Little One,
Week 38 was a good one. You're comfy, I'm comfy, things are... too comfy. I mentioned to my doctor last Friday that I was kind of wishing I'd be feeling a little bit more achey, crampy, and pre-labour-y... it doesn't help that my mom went three weeks overdue with me! But again, it's all a lesson in trust and patience. The most frustrating part about these final few weeks are all the comments from my co-workers... "you just look ready to pop!" "Aren't you just sick of being pregnant?" "I was hoping you wouldn't be here today..."
Oh, I know the comments are totally innocent, and my reaction to them is based purely on lack of patience. I think I hide it pretty well, but who knows. I just always have to remind myself that you'll be on the outside very soon - my due date isn't actually for another week - and that I have to take all the comments in stride. Besides, how many of the same comments have I made to pregnant friends in the past, not considering how bombarded with end-of-gestation questioning they may already be? I still can't believe how easily annoyed I get when I'm pregnant.
My sister in law was due a week and a half ago, and she's still waiting. She'll be induced tomorrow - a little piece of me hopes that we'll end up in the hospital at the same time, as unlikely as that will be. I feel for her since she's already so overdue, and I hope that I don't go that overdue, but again, PATIENCE! Only time will tell. There have been some significant births this week: our cat Trixie had her kittens, and they're adorable. Daddy's cousin's wife had a baby too... and she delivered it herself, at home. I'm praying that's the only Liboiron birth this week that goes down that quickly and crazily.
One great big message I was given this week was again: SLOW DOWN. As many times as I've been reminded of the importance of slowing down, I still seem to find ways to push myself just a little bit too hard. On Tuesday, I decided to try going for a little jog. After about 50 meters, the jog turned into a walk. I completed 2.5 kilometers around Lake Stafford, and was feeling pretty good until later that evening... when I couldn't get off the couch. I couldn't believe how sore my pelvis was; I could barely walk. The next day was better, and I swam on Thursday and did a very short, light Crossfit workout on Friday. Saturday came around, and I was registered for the 3k portion of the Rattler Run in Medicine Hat. I felt good; I felt loose. So... I ran the first kilometer. As soon as I started downhill, though, my body said STOP! (well, it said "walk.") I completed the 3k and felt so good about having ran a little bit of it (I even sprinted at the end.)
Could I walk the rest of the day? No.
Two days later, I'm still a little bit tender, but I'm going to swim this afternoon to keep things loose, and I'll hit up the rower at the gym a few times this week. No more walking, running, or squatting - my pelvis just can't handle it. I went to bed on Saturday night praying that I wouldn't wake up having contractions - I don't think I would have been able to attempt pushing out a baby! So, little one, you're pretty stubborn, staying bum down and all, but you come by it naturally - you have to pretty stubborn parents. I just pray that staying active throughout my pregnancy will benefit you not only during birth but as you grow and through the rest of your life. I've seen evidence in your strong heart rate (even through an attempted external version) that you've grown strong, and I believe a lot of that has to do with having worked out throughout my pregnancy. But again, each day is new, I have very little control over how you've grown inside my womb and what you'll be like on the outside. All I can keep doing is staying active and healthy, eating right, and encouraging you to do the same by modeling it.
...I can also learn a few lessons by listening to my body. See you in a few weeks (or months), running shoes!
Love,
Mama
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Week 37: Disappointment, Blessings & Trust
Little One,
Last week I was reflecting on the necessity of letting go and trusting God through everything. I admit that I haven't been the best at being prayerful throughout this pregnancy, but it became very apparent in the past few weeks that I was being led down a path I hadn't anticipated, and it was time to accept, let go, and trust. God is so good - I know it sounds cliche, but after my experience this past Thursday at the Medicine Hat hospital, I know that you are in His hands no matter what this birth experience brings.
My doctor had scheduled an external version, during which they were going to try to turn you around so you'd be in the 'preferred' head-down birthing position. I went in relatively nervous, but once I was lying on that hospital bed in my gown, I started to get really upset. I'm good at not letting on just how stressed I am - I like to put on a facade of strength - but inside, I was nervous, worried, and ultimately anticipating just how painful the external version would be. I hadn't let myself read up too much about how it works or how painful it was (even after your grandma L told me she'd watched videos on YouTube!), but my doula expressed that it would be painful - possibly as painful as transition contractions. Cue me: freaking out (inside, of course.)
After a much longer-than-anticipated wait, the doctor came in, got the ultrasound machine hooked up, and confirmed - yes, again - that you were comfortably head up, bum down. With the nurse keeping an eye on your heart rate, the doctor began digging down around my pelvis to try to scoot your bum upwards. And you... well, you weren't having any of it! Your heart stayed steady and strong, and you refused to budge. Three unsuccessful attempts to turn you ("the head will move, but that bum is just lodged in your pelvis!") and the doctor look at me, said, "I can't believe the baby is so relaxed about all this. We'll attempt a breech birth," and walked out. No mention of scheduling a C-section, just accemptance about your position and about a plan.
Here's what I'd expected if the external version hadn't worked: I'd done so many interventions already to try to get you to turn, so I was relatively optimistic about the version, even though the success rate for new moms is apparently 50%. But deep, deep down, I think I knew you were going to stay put. As badly as I wanted you to turn, I think I knew that it just wasn't going to happen. So I went in expecting to be entirely disappointed if it didn't work.
But something funny happened.
All of the sudden, I was full of adrenaleine - and peace. I felt confident, I felt excited to meet you, I felt almost ready to begin labour right there (almost)! The nurse stripped my membranes and told me to stick around Medicine Hat just in case labour began (external versions are known in rare instances for promoting labour). So all day, I was bouncy, happy, and excited - not at all disappointed that the version didn't work. It was such an amazing blessing - I'd been granted the peace about this whole situation that I'd asked God to deliver, and it came not through my own expectations but through an experience that I'd expected to yield a different outcome and different feelings.
The best part? The version was extremely uncomfortable, yes, even painful, but it wasn't half as bad as I'd made it out to be in my head. I think I had approached the version much like I approach any kind of competition - I build it up to be ridiculously difficult in my head, and I fear the pain and the hard work, but through it all - I'm focused, I'm breathing, and I'm positive. I kept thinking, "this is like the 32nd kilometer in my marathon." That was one of the worst, most painful, most emotionally harrowing moments of my life - but I pushed through. Exhausted and in pain, I kept pushing through. It helped that during the marathon, a man I didn't know kept biking around me - he was wearing a shirt that said "Run, Olivia, Run!" which I found out later was meant for his wife who shares the same first name as me. But it was one of those reminders that I can push through - anything. I know the version wasn't even close to what labour will be like, but God showed me that I am strong, I am capable, and even in the face of disappointment, I've been blessed with the grace to accept circumstances joyfully. I think one of the most potentially disappointing days of my pregnancy turning into one of the most exciting and joy-filled is evidence of God's work and His love.
Oh, and through it all, I was suffering from a major head cold. I kind of felt like maybe I could be experiencing the beginnings of labour for the two days after the version attempt, but I was so sick with a stuffed head and sore throat that I figured it was God saying, "you know what? Trust that I know when's best for this baby to make his/her appearance. Sure, maybe you're labouring, but maybe you're just really sick from this head cold - only I know for sure. Trust me, trust me, trust me."
And I trust. You'll arrive when the time is right. And I can't wait!
Love,
Mama
Last week I was reflecting on the necessity of letting go and trusting God through everything. I admit that I haven't been the best at being prayerful throughout this pregnancy, but it became very apparent in the past few weeks that I was being led down a path I hadn't anticipated, and it was time to accept, let go, and trust. God is so good - I know it sounds cliche, but after my experience this past Thursday at the Medicine Hat hospital, I know that you are in His hands no matter what this birth experience brings.
My doctor had scheduled an external version, during which they were going to try to turn you around so you'd be in the 'preferred' head-down birthing position. I went in relatively nervous, but once I was lying on that hospital bed in my gown, I started to get really upset. I'm good at not letting on just how stressed I am - I like to put on a facade of strength - but inside, I was nervous, worried, and ultimately anticipating just how painful the external version would be. I hadn't let myself read up too much about how it works or how painful it was (even after your grandma L told me she'd watched videos on YouTube!), but my doula expressed that it would be painful - possibly as painful as transition contractions. Cue me: freaking out (inside, of course.)
After a much longer-than-anticipated wait, the doctor came in, got the ultrasound machine hooked up, and confirmed - yes, again - that you were comfortably head up, bum down. With the nurse keeping an eye on your heart rate, the doctor began digging down around my pelvis to try to scoot your bum upwards. And you... well, you weren't having any of it! Your heart stayed steady and strong, and you refused to budge. Three unsuccessful attempts to turn you ("the head will move, but that bum is just lodged in your pelvis!") and the doctor look at me, said, "I can't believe the baby is so relaxed about all this. We'll attempt a breech birth," and walked out. No mention of scheduling a C-section, just accemptance about your position and about a plan.
Here's what I'd expected if the external version hadn't worked: I'd done so many interventions already to try to get you to turn, so I was relatively optimistic about the version, even though the success rate for new moms is apparently 50%. But deep, deep down, I think I knew you were going to stay put. As badly as I wanted you to turn, I think I knew that it just wasn't going to happen. So I went in expecting to be entirely disappointed if it didn't work.
But something funny happened.
All of the sudden, I was full of adrenaleine - and peace. I felt confident, I felt excited to meet you, I felt almost ready to begin labour right there (almost)! The nurse stripped my membranes and told me to stick around Medicine Hat just in case labour began (external versions are known in rare instances for promoting labour). So all day, I was bouncy, happy, and excited - not at all disappointed that the version didn't work. It was such an amazing blessing - I'd been granted the peace about this whole situation that I'd asked God to deliver, and it came not through my own expectations but through an experience that I'd expected to yield a different outcome and different feelings.
The best part? The version was extremely uncomfortable, yes, even painful, but it wasn't half as bad as I'd made it out to be in my head. I think I had approached the version much like I approach any kind of competition - I build it up to be ridiculously difficult in my head, and I fear the pain and the hard work, but through it all - I'm focused, I'm breathing, and I'm positive. I kept thinking, "this is like the 32nd kilometer in my marathon." That was one of the worst, most painful, most emotionally harrowing moments of my life - but I pushed through. Exhausted and in pain, I kept pushing through. It helped that during the marathon, a man I didn't know kept biking around me - he was wearing a shirt that said "Run, Olivia, Run!" which I found out later was meant for his wife who shares the same first name as me. But it was one of those reminders that I can push through - anything. I know the version wasn't even close to what labour will be like, but God showed me that I am strong, I am capable, and even in the face of disappointment, I've been blessed with the grace to accept circumstances joyfully. I think one of the most potentially disappointing days of my pregnancy turning into one of the most exciting and joy-filled is evidence of God's work and His love.
Oh, and through it all, I was suffering from a major head cold. I kind of felt like maybe I could be experiencing the beginnings of labour for the two days after the version attempt, but I was so sick with a stuffed head and sore throat that I figured it was God saying, "you know what? Trust that I know when's best for this baby to make his/her appearance. Sure, maybe you're labouring, but maybe you're just really sick from this head cold - only I know for sure. Trust me, trust me, trust me."
And I trust. You'll arrive when the time is right. And I can't wait!
Love,
Mama
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Weeks 35 & 36: Trying to Trust
Little One,
It took 36 weeks but Daddy finally came up with a name for you while you're still growing inside of me - "Axel." Why "Axel?" Because it was one of his preferred first names for a boy, and one of the names that I shot down... so I figure I might as well give it to him for the remainder of your time in utero. Daddy also warned me that if I have an emergency c-section and he gets to meet you before I do that you might just be Axel once I wake up. We'll see about that... any day now, or as long as five weeks from now...
It's kind of unbelievable that it could be tomorrow, but it could be over a month from now that we meet you. You've decided to stay comfortably breech, and after discussing options in Brooks, I booked an appointment in Medicine Hat to see about breech delivery. A natural birth is really important to me, and although I've accepted that a c-section may turn out to be the only option, I didn't want to accept c-section as standard for you. Sometimes I wonder how selfish I'm being, but there's something in me that's just so drawn to a natural birth. I'm frightened about many things right now, and this is where it's getting more important for me to just trust. I've put other areas of my life in God's hands, reluctantly so, but He has always delivered more than I've ever prayed for. Things haven't worked out how I pictured them to, or wanted them to, but when I stopped worrying and placed them in His capable hands, he worked his divine... whatever it is... and my life has been so blessed.
It's time to put this whole breech situation in His hands, because I know He will care and provide.
I felt as though I was in good hands in Medicine Hat. The doctor didn't immediately dismiss my desire to explore options outside of c-section and encouraged me to try an external version on top of all the other interventions I've been attempting. To date, it's been daily breech tilt and forward-leaning inversion, moxibustion, chiropractic, red raspberry capsules, swimming, handstands in the swimming pool, handstand pushups at the gym, walking around on my hands and knees, an ice pack on your head, an ice pack on your head while sitting in a warm bath, daddy talking to you and reading to you, me talking to you, shining a flashlight at the bottom of my uterus.... let's just say if you're still breech when I go into labour, there's definitely a reason for it!
I'm no longer Crossfitting. It's only been a week since I said goodbye to Inferno and Badlands (temporarily - I'll be back!) but my chiropractor encouraged me to try exercise that keeps me loose, so I've been swimming and walking instead. I know I could go to the gym and workout lightly, but it just wouldn't feel right - Crossfit for me is about the intensity. I'm also trying to avoid too much squatting because I don't want to encourage your cute little bum to get lodged in my pelvis prematurely, so swimming and walking is the way to go for now. I have a 3k race booked for April 27 and another for May 4 - depending on how I feel, I may run, I may walk, I may be at the hospital nursing a C-section scar (and a newborn, at that) or I may be at home with some crotchsicles... thanks to Veronica for that one! It's amazing that there's just no way to tell what's going to happen in the next few days or weeks. I'm somewhat of a planner, not that bad, but what an exercise in letting go and letting God!
Who knows what the next few days and weeks are going to bring? Keep squirming, Little One; try to get that head down low. Whatever you decide, though, I know it's the journey that's supposed to happen... as reluctant as I am to give up control and accept things for the way they are, I know that He has your and my best interests at heart.
Oh, and my co-worker Kimmie is praying a novena for us too. She's a miracle worker, so... :)
Love,
Mama
It took 36 weeks but Daddy finally came up with a name for you while you're still growing inside of me - "Axel." Why "Axel?" Because it was one of his preferred first names for a boy, and one of the names that I shot down... so I figure I might as well give it to him for the remainder of your time in utero. Daddy also warned me that if I have an emergency c-section and he gets to meet you before I do that you might just be Axel once I wake up. We'll see about that... any day now, or as long as five weeks from now...
It's kind of unbelievable that it could be tomorrow, but it could be over a month from now that we meet you. You've decided to stay comfortably breech, and after discussing options in Brooks, I booked an appointment in Medicine Hat to see about breech delivery. A natural birth is really important to me, and although I've accepted that a c-section may turn out to be the only option, I didn't want to accept c-section as standard for you. Sometimes I wonder how selfish I'm being, but there's something in me that's just so drawn to a natural birth. I'm frightened about many things right now, and this is where it's getting more important for me to just trust. I've put other areas of my life in God's hands, reluctantly so, but He has always delivered more than I've ever prayed for. Things haven't worked out how I pictured them to, or wanted them to, but when I stopped worrying and placed them in His capable hands, he worked his divine... whatever it is... and my life has been so blessed.
It's time to put this whole breech situation in His hands, because I know He will care and provide.
I felt as though I was in good hands in Medicine Hat. The doctor didn't immediately dismiss my desire to explore options outside of c-section and encouraged me to try an external version on top of all the other interventions I've been attempting. To date, it's been daily breech tilt and forward-leaning inversion, moxibustion, chiropractic, red raspberry capsules, swimming, handstands in the swimming pool, handstand pushups at the gym, walking around on my hands and knees, an ice pack on your head, an ice pack on your head while sitting in a warm bath, daddy talking to you and reading to you, me talking to you, shining a flashlight at the bottom of my uterus.... let's just say if you're still breech when I go into labour, there's definitely a reason for it!
I'm no longer Crossfitting. It's only been a week since I said goodbye to Inferno and Badlands (temporarily - I'll be back!) but my chiropractor encouraged me to try exercise that keeps me loose, so I've been swimming and walking instead. I know I could go to the gym and workout lightly, but it just wouldn't feel right - Crossfit for me is about the intensity. I'm also trying to avoid too much squatting because I don't want to encourage your cute little bum to get lodged in my pelvis prematurely, so swimming and walking is the way to go for now. I have a 3k race booked for April 27 and another for May 4 - depending on how I feel, I may run, I may walk, I may be at the hospital nursing a C-section scar (and a newborn, at that) or I may be at home with some crotchsicles... thanks to Veronica for that one! It's amazing that there's just no way to tell what's going to happen in the next few days or weeks. I'm somewhat of a planner, not that bad, but what an exercise in letting go and letting God!
Who knows what the next few days and weeks are going to bring? Keep squirming, Little One; try to get that head down low. Whatever you decide, though, I know it's the journey that's supposed to happen... as reluctant as I am to give up control and accept things for the way they are, I know that He has your and my best interests at heart.
Oh, and my co-worker Kimmie is praying a novena for us too. She's a miracle worker, so... :)
Love,
Mama
Monday, April 1, 2013
Week 34: Sugar High & Mama Low
Little One,
I'm tired. SO tired. And you? You're busy wiggling around what seems like every minute of every day. Aren't you getting tired in there? If my appetite is a fair gauge, then you're definitely growing. I am HUNGRY LIKE ANIMAL. And since you're growing, I'm growing - my tummy feels especially enormous today (but I think a lot of that has to do with Easter-candy induced inflammation. How'd you like that jelly bean sugar high?) We just spent Easter weekend with Daddy's side of the family in the beautiful Crowsnest Pass; it's so exciting that the next time we visit we'll be bringing you along not in utero! I wonder what you'll be like to travel with?
What's new this week? Oh, I'm ridiculously irritable - wait, that's not new; that's been pretty constant throughout this pregnancy. I haven't really discussed it up until this point, but it's becoming increasingly evident that pregnancy puts me in a perpetual state of STAY AWAY FROM ME. The sweetest, kindest people I know make me want to punch something. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is - I've never been so irritable in my life until this pregnancy. I'm hoping it passes once you're in the world. It's not like anything in particular causes the irritability - I can have a great night's sleep, exercise, good diet - and there are still 3 or 4 days out of the week during which I feel like the world's meanest, cruelest, most judgmental woman (inside my head, of course.) I try not to let it show but I think people see it written on my face. I'm not miserable, I'm just so darned IRRITABLE! I had a really good discussion with a co-worker who'd experienced the same thing, and it was hard to believe because she's one of the sweet, kind ones who would never say or do anything to hurt anybody. I felt relieved knowing that it's not just me and despite diet, exercise, proper sleep, lots of water, etc. this irritability is just something that's come out of the pregnancy! These "low" times are very difficult for me since I work hard at staying positive. I think this is beyond my ability to "try", though; I just need to accept that my mind and body are working this way at this time.
Physically, my back is starting to hurt a little bit - this time it's more of a dull throb just under my right ribs. It's kept me up a few nights this week. You're growing and shifting my organs around - ouch! Five (or more) weeks of this? Well, I did sign up for it! Knowing that I'm going to get to meet you much sooner than later makes it worth it. Maybe the chiropractor can help me with that this Wednesday, too - my last "big city" trip before you make your appearance. I have a few more things to take care of. Your bag is almost packed (everything's washed, folded, and piled, ready to go - I just need to stuff it in a bag); your nursery is almost complete (everything's painted; now it's time to tidy and fill those drawers) and I'm getting antsy. I wouldn't mind if you made your appearance a little bit early so you can do some of that happy wiggling on the outside!
Love,
Mama
I'm tired. SO tired. And you? You're busy wiggling around what seems like every minute of every day. Aren't you getting tired in there? If my appetite is a fair gauge, then you're definitely growing. I am HUNGRY LIKE ANIMAL. And since you're growing, I'm growing - my tummy feels especially enormous today (but I think a lot of that has to do with Easter-candy induced inflammation. How'd you like that jelly bean sugar high?) We just spent Easter weekend with Daddy's side of the family in the beautiful Crowsnest Pass; it's so exciting that the next time we visit we'll be bringing you along not in utero! I wonder what you'll be like to travel with?
What's new this week? Oh, I'm ridiculously irritable - wait, that's not new; that's been pretty constant throughout this pregnancy. I haven't really discussed it up until this point, but it's becoming increasingly evident that pregnancy puts me in a perpetual state of STAY AWAY FROM ME. The sweetest, kindest people I know make me want to punch something. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is - I've never been so irritable in my life until this pregnancy. I'm hoping it passes once you're in the world. It's not like anything in particular causes the irritability - I can have a great night's sleep, exercise, good diet - and there are still 3 or 4 days out of the week during which I feel like the world's meanest, cruelest, most judgmental woman (inside my head, of course.) I try not to let it show but I think people see it written on my face. I'm not miserable, I'm just so darned IRRITABLE! I had a really good discussion with a co-worker who'd experienced the same thing, and it was hard to believe because she's one of the sweet, kind ones who would never say or do anything to hurt anybody. I felt relieved knowing that it's not just me and despite diet, exercise, proper sleep, lots of water, etc. this irritability is just something that's come out of the pregnancy! These "low" times are very difficult for me since I work hard at staying positive. I think this is beyond my ability to "try", though; I just need to accept that my mind and body are working this way at this time.
Physically, my back is starting to hurt a little bit - this time it's more of a dull throb just under my right ribs. It's kept me up a few nights this week. You're growing and shifting my organs around - ouch! Five (or more) weeks of this? Well, I did sign up for it! Knowing that I'm going to get to meet you much sooner than later makes it worth it. Maybe the chiropractor can help me with that this Wednesday, too - my last "big city" trip before you make your appearance. I have a few more things to take care of. Your bag is almost packed (everything's washed, folded, and piled, ready to go - I just need to stuff it in a bag); your nursery is almost complete (everything's painted; now it's time to tidy and fill those drawers) and I'm getting antsy. I wouldn't mind if you made your appearance a little bit early so you can do some of that happy wiggling on the outside!
Love,
Mama
Monday, March 25, 2013
Week 33: Spin, Baby, Spin!
Little One,
You are getting bigger and bigger every week, so big that total strangers are no longer afraid to mention the fact that I'm pregnant (a lady at Home Hardware asked me when I was due, then showed me pictures of her new granddaughter on her iPhone). I guess it's not something you can hide at 33 weeks! The funniest thing is how the shape of my belly changes, seemingly, day to day, depending on how you're lying. I'm a little bit frustrated with the health care system right now, because the doctor couldn't tell if you were head up or head down, and they won't do an ultrasound until 37 weeks to determine if you're still breech. In the doctor's words: "Baby is really low in your pelvis, but I can't tell if it's his/her head or his/her bum!") Even more frustrating is that I can't tell! I have a feeling that you're still breech based on where I feel most of your movement, but I'm not certain. This week I'm amping up on my baby spinning exercises, and next week I'm seeing a chiropractor for a hip adjustment to promote a head-down entry into this world. All of this stuff is so scary right now because I've never been through it before, but I just have to trust that you'll come into this world the way you're supposed to, and as long as I do what I can to make sure your delivery is safe, the medical world will work its wonders, too.
We had another fantastic Crossfit Open experience again this past Saturday - 13.3 was 150 wall balls, 90 double-unders and 30 muscle-ups in 12 minutes. I went in planning on 10 wall balls a minute for a score of 120 - I just wanted to make sure I'd be able to talk the whole way through. Imagine my surprise when I hit 150 wall balls with a minute and a half of time left - and I managed to crack out 53 double-unders, beating my score of 167 from last year with a score of 203. I couldn't believe it - I had the stupidest grin on my face throughout the double-unders (lots of photographic evidence of that) and I was again blown away by the support of my teammates. Being able to continue well into my third pregnancy has been such a blessing. I couldn't ask for more!
Last night, I held P & K's baby M who's two weeks old. I rocked and rocked him, totally in awe at how tiny he is, and even more in awe that you'll be coming along in 6 weeks - give or take a few. Daddy said last night he's sick of me being pregnant ("it's just gone on long enough") and he sanded your dresser (his old one) without me nagging him too much to get it done, so it looks like he's getting anxious to meet you, too. Stay safe in there... we're anxious to meet you but we can definitely wait a few weeks. :)
Love,
Mama
 |
| Daddy asked if I had a wall ball in my tummy, too. |
We had another fantastic Crossfit Open experience again this past Saturday - 13.3 was 150 wall balls, 90 double-unders and 30 muscle-ups in 12 minutes. I went in planning on 10 wall balls a minute for a score of 120 - I just wanted to make sure I'd be able to talk the whole way through. Imagine my surprise when I hit 150 wall balls with a minute and a half of time left - and I managed to crack out 53 double-unders, beating my score of 167 from last year with a score of 203. I couldn't believe it - I had the stupidest grin on my face throughout the double-unders (lots of photographic evidence of that) and I was again blown away by the support of my teammates. Being able to continue well into my third pregnancy has been such a blessing. I couldn't ask for more!
Last night, I held P & K's baby M who's two weeks old. I rocked and rocked him, totally in awe at how tiny he is, and even more in awe that you'll be coming along in 6 weeks - give or take a few. Daddy said last night he's sick of me being pregnant ("it's just gone on long enough") and he sanded your dresser (his old one) without me nagging him too much to get it done, so it looks like he's getting anxious to meet you, too. Stay safe in there... we're anxious to meet you but we can definitely wait a few weeks. :)
Love,
Mama
Monday, March 18, 2013
Weeks 31 & 32: Energy & Exhaustion
Little One,
I'm writing this on a Monday morning, sitting at my desk at work when I really should be photocopying for the day. Today's one of those days where my hair is disheveled, I really don't feel like being here, and I could probably nap all day if given the opportunity. But tomorrow? Tomorrow I could be jumping off the walls, excited, energetic, and happy. That's what the past two weeks have felt like - a pendulum swing between exhaustion and energy.
One highlight of the past two weeks has been participating in the 2013 Crossfit Open. I recognize that through my pregnancy, although I've remained relatively fit, I've lost a lot of my physical capacity - I can barely squat without my hip flexors feeling like they're on fire, and most days, it's very difficult to drag myself to the gym (so difficult, in fact, that I end up just going home to bed.) But since getting pregnant, I knew that I wanted to keep up with my fitness as best I could, so I committed to participating in the Crossfit Open. The first workout - a 17 minute chipper of burpess and snatches - was one of the best days of my pregnancy. I felt so full of life and spirit. The second workout - a 10 minute AMRAP of 5 75# push press, 10 75# deadlifts and 15 box jumps (step ups, in my case) felt equally as awesome - even after a sleepless night and two full days of grad retreat exhaustion. I don't know what it is, but I'm happy when I'm exercising. I'm not happy when I think about exercising, and I'm not happy when I'm dragging my lazy bones to the gym, but once I'm in that workout, I feel fantastic. I think you like it, too... at least I hope you do. You're good at telling me what to avoid - some days, kipping pull ups are not your favourite (ouch, does my tummy ever get tight!) but other days, you're like, hey, go ahead with your kips. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to keep Crossfitting througout my pregnancy and I can't wait to get back into it fully once you're in the world.
I think it's safe to say that within the next 3 weeks, I'll be saying that I'm sick of being pregnant. I'm not quite sick of it yet, although that thought has fluttered through my mind. The more babies that are born around me, the more excited (and nervous) I am to meet you. I love the feeling of you wriggling around in my tummy, but I can't wait to see what you look like, what you smell like, how we interact, and what our family is going to be like once you're on the outside with us.
I was at a silent retreat in Lethbridge this weekend, and during directed prayer from a spiritual director, I had an image of myself and your father holding you - the three of us protected by a ring of flame. I know that God's love for you is so powerful and inexplicable - I just hope I can see you with His eyes and love you with His heart. Better start practicing now - it's gonna be one of "those days" so if I can approach it with a smile even when I just feel like sleeping, I'll be able to get through whatever trials and tribulations come my way through your birth... and your life.
You're sleeping right now... wish I could be right there with you. I can't wait to feel some more of your wriggly squirming as the day progresses - those are some of the best moments of my days lately.
Love you,
Mama
I'm writing this on a Monday morning, sitting at my desk at work when I really should be photocopying for the day. Today's one of those days where my hair is disheveled, I really don't feel like being here, and I could probably nap all day if given the opportunity. But tomorrow? Tomorrow I could be jumping off the walls, excited, energetic, and happy. That's what the past two weeks have felt like - a pendulum swing between exhaustion and energy.
One highlight of the past two weeks has been participating in the 2013 Crossfit Open. I recognize that through my pregnancy, although I've remained relatively fit, I've lost a lot of my physical capacity - I can barely squat without my hip flexors feeling like they're on fire, and most days, it's very difficult to drag myself to the gym (so difficult, in fact, that I end up just going home to bed.) But since getting pregnant, I knew that I wanted to keep up with my fitness as best I could, so I committed to participating in the Crossfit Open. The first workout - a 17 minute chipper of burpess and snatches - was one of the best days of my pregnancy. I felt so full of life and spirit. The second workout - a 10 minute AMRAP of 5 75# push press, 10 75# deadlifts and 15 box jumps (step ups, in my case) felt equally as awesome - even after a sleepless night and two full days of grad retreat exhaustion. I don't know what it is, but I'm happy when I'm exercising. I'm not happy when I think about exercising, and I'm not happy when I'm dragging my lazy bones to the gym, but once I'm in that workout, I feel fantastic. I think you like it, too... at least I hope you do. You're good at telling me what to avoid - some days, kipping pull ups are not your favourite (ouch, does my tummy ever get tight!) but other days, you're like, hey, go ahead with your kips. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to keep Crossfitting througout my pregnancy and I can't wait to get back into it fully once you're in the world.
I think it's safe to say that within the next 3 weeks, I'll be saying that I'm sick of being pregnant. I'm not quite sick of it yet, although that thought has fluttered through my mind. The more babies that are born around me, the more excited (and nervous) I am to meet you. I love the feeling of you wriggling around in my tummy, but I can't wait to see what you look like, what you smell like, how we interact, and what our family is going to be like once you're on the outside with us.
I was at a silent retreat in Lethbridge this weekend, and during directed prayer from a spiritual director, I had an image of myself and your father holding you - the three of us protected by a ring of flame. I know that God's love for you is so powerful and inexplicable - I just hope I can see you with His eyes and love you with His heart. Better start practicing now - it's gonna be one of "those days" so if I can approach it with a smile even when I just feel like sleeping, I'll be able to get through whatever trials and tribulations come my way through your birth... and your life.
You're sleeping right now... wish I could be right there with you. I can't wait to feel some more of your wriggly squirming as the day progresses - those are some of the best moments of my days lately.
Love you,
Mama
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Week 30: The Scariest Moment of All
Little One,
Growing up, I was often told to "slow down or you'll get hurt." It's advice I never really took to heart, although once in a while I catch myself moving too fast and that voice will pop into the back of my head, forcing me to evaluate just how careless I'm being for the sake of speed and I will slow down - at least a little bit. Throughout this pregnancy, I've been pretty active - not as active as I would have liked to have been, but exhaustion slows a person down some. Ultimately, though, I was told through the events that unfolded this past weekend that I'm definitely moving too fast, and it's time to slow down and savour these last 10 weeks before your arrival.
Yup, we were ice fishing, your father and I. Yup, it was a slow day (as 90% of them seem to be.) After a few hours or sitting around a nice fire and chatting with friends, I was gearing up to leave when all of the sudden the flag on my tip up sprung up. Yup, I sprung up as well, and began ambling nimbly (as nimble as a 7-months-pregnant woman can be) toward my tip-up. I began running - not quickly, mind you, but quickly enough that any kind of stumble would cause me to fall.
And that's exactly what happened, thus beginning the scariest few hours of my entire life.
It seemed like it happened in slow motion. I couldn't catch myself from the slight stumble, and I toppled forward, landing directly on my belly. I was in shock. I felt sick. I feel sick now, just typing about it. Okay, so I've eaten hot dogs and peanut butter during this pregnancy, I've taken hot baths, and I've probably done a million other things I shouldn't have done. But this - this was different. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. I was bawling, praying that you'd move inside of me. And you did! That brought me minor relief, but I was still incredibly upset. Your dad did an amazing job trying to soothe me and calm my fears, but I still felt horrible. I called Alberta Health Link, and a nurse did a great job assessing me, calmly following up by telling me I needed to get to a hospital (they tell all pregnant women who sustain falls to go to the hospital.) I felt better because I didn't experience any pain or bleeding, and you were wiggling away inside of me as per usual, but I needed to get myself to the hospital ASAP just to make sure. I hopped in the TrailBlazer and zoomed back into Brooks from Crawling Valley Reservoir, in tears the whole time.
Upon arriving at the hospital, I made my way directly to Labour and Delivery, where they promptly hooked me up to a fetal monitor, assuring me that everything was fine - I'd see in a few minutes. As those few minutes progressed and I recorded every time I felt you move, I also began noticing something interesting happening at regular intervals - yup, my uterus was contracting. Every four minutes. It didn't hurt, but it was enough to have the nurses call in the doctor, who checked to see if I was dilating (I wasn't), and who put me on medication to stop the contractions. An "upset uterus", he called it.
After an hour of waiting then another 20 minutes of fetal monitoring, the doctor determined that the contractions had stopped. He gave me another dose of medication to be taken at 6 am, with instructions to return at 10 am for another round of fetal monitoring. I went home, feeling very shaken and upset, but happy that you were okay. The fact that you were moving and that your heart rate was fine brought me so much peace and happiness. And it hit me: I love you, and I don't even know you. I worry about you, and you're not even born yet. You're a mystery to me, but I feel such a connection to you that your safety is my primary concern (um, and yeah, I definitely won't be ice fishing pregnant again. EVER.)
Six a.m. rolled around and my alarm went off. I woke up nauseated and shaky; a side-effect of the medication, I told myself. I popped the pill and fell back asleep. When my alarm went off again at 8:30, I called your daddy right away and asked him to please come home and be with me - I was so nauseated and ill that I didn't think I could drive myself to the hospital. By the time dad arrived home, I'd already thrown up twice. Third time? In the TrailBlazer on the way to the hospital. Fourth time? In a garbage bin at the hospital.
After an uneventful fetal monitoring session (no news is good news), the doctor came to see me again and I begged for something to quell the nausea. "Nausea?" He looked at me skeptically.
"Yeah - I figured it was a side-effect of the medication."
"Well, it could be, but I doubt it. This medication is not known to cause the kind of side-effects you're experiencing. It sounds more like you have a stomach bug."
Of course. A stomach bug. Perfect timing. Doc sent me home with some gravol (which I promptly threw up; I should have accepted the needle in the butt) and daddy bought me my favourite Gatorade: red. Red's the best flavour to throw up. It's sad that I know this, but it's the truth: if you know you're gonna throw up, you might as well enjoy the taste of what's coming up, and red Gatorade has exactly the right flavour. Not yellow, not blue. Only red.
Twelve hours of puking, and I was back at the hospital for an ultrasound. By this time it was Monday, and the puking had stopped. The ultrasound tech did his thing, and so far, everything appears okay - no placental tears, no damage to you...
But I still feel sick to my stomach every time I think about that fall. And this isn't the kind of sickness whose edge can be taken off with some red Gatorade. This is the painful part of love - the part that never wants to let you down but knows it will happen; the part that wants to protect you but will inevitably cause you pain. My biggest fear about being a parent is hurting you, and it's already began. It's going to be a lifelong journey... and I have so much to learn. I'm sorry my selfishness lead to this, I'm sorry I haven't slowed down more to enjoy you growing inside my belly... I'm sorry, and it's time to slow down.
Love,
Mama
Growing up, I was often told to "slow down or you'll get hurt." It's advice I never really took to heart, although once in a while I catch myself moving too fast and that voice will pop into the back of my head, forcing me to evaluate just how careless I'm being for the sake of speed and I will slow down - at least a little bit. Throughout this pregnancy, I've been pretty active - not as active as I would have liked to have been, but exhaustion slows a person down some. Ultimately, though, I was told through the events that unfolded this past weekend that I'm definitely moving too fast, and it's time to slow down and savour these last 10 weeks before your arrival.
Yup, we were ice fishing, your father and I. Yup, it was a slow day (as 90% of them seem to be.) After a few hours or sitting around a nice fire and chatting with friends, I was gearing up to leave when all of the sudden the flag on my tip up sprung up. Yup, I sprung up as well, and began ambling nimbly (as nimble as a 7-months-pregnant woman can be) toward my tip-up. I began running - not quickly, mind you, but quickly enough that any kind of stumble would cause me to fall.
And that's exactly what happened, thus beginning the scariest few hours of my entire life.
It seemed like it happened in slow motion. I couldn't catch myself from the slight stumble, and I toppled forward, landing directly on my belly. I was in shock. I felt sick. I feel sick now, just typing about it. Okay, so I've eaten hot dogs and peanut butter during this pregnancy, I've taken hot baths, and I've probably done a million other things I shouldn't have done. But this - this was different. I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. I was bawling, praying that you'd move inside of me. And you did! That brought me minor relief, but I was still incredibly upset. Your dad did an amazing job trying to soothe me and calm my fears, but I still felt horrible. I called Alberta Health Link, and a nurse did a great job assessing me, calmly following up by telling me I needed to get to a hospital (they tell all pregnant women who sustain falls to go to the hospital.) I felt better because I didn't experience any pain or bleeding, and you were wiggling away inside of me as per usual, but I needed to get myself to the hospital ASAP just to make sure. I hopped in the TrailBlazer and zoomed back into Brooks from Crawling Valley Reservoir, in tears the whole time.
Upon arriving at the hospital, I made my way directly to Labour and Delivery, where they promptly hooked me up to a fetal monitor, assuring me that everything was fine - I'd see in a few minutes. As those few minutes progressed and I recorded every time I felt you move, I also began noticing something interesting happening at regular intervals - yup, my uterus was contracting. Every four minutes. It didn't hurt, but it was enough to have the nurses call in the doctor, who checked to see if I was dilating (I wasn't), and who put me on medication to stop the contractions. An "upset uterus", he called it.
After an hour of waiting then another 20 minutes of fetal monitoring, the doctor determined that the contractions had stopped. He gave me another dose of medication to be taken at 6 am, with instructions to return at 10 am for another round of fetal monitoring. I went home, feeling very shaken and upset, but happy that you were okay. The fact that you were moving and that your heart rate was fine brought me so much peace and happiness. And it hit me: I love you, and I don't even know you. I worry about you, and you're not even born yet. You're a mystery to me, but I feel such a connection to you that your safety is my primary concern (um, and yeah, I definitely won't be ice fishing pregnant again. EVER.)
Six a.m. rolled around and my alarm went off. I woke up nauseated and shaky; a side-effect of the medication, I told myself. I popped the pill and fell back asleep. When my alarm went off again at 8:30, I called your daddy right away and asked him to please come home and be with me - I was so nauseated and ill that I didn't think I could drive myself to the hospital. By the time dad arrived home, I'd already thrown up twice. Third time? In the TrailBlazer on the way to the hospital. Fourth time? In a garbage bin at the hospital.
After an uneventful fetal monitoring session (no news is good news), the doctor came to see me again and I begged for something to quell the nausea. "Nausea?" He looked at me skeptically.
"Yeah - I figured it was a side-effect of the medication."
"Well, it could be, but I doubt it. This medication is not known to cause the kind of side-effects you're experiencing. It sounds more like you have a stomach bug."
Of course. A stomach bug. Perfect timing. Doc sent me home with some gravol (which I promptly threw up; I should have accepted the needle in the butt) and daddy bought me my favourite Gatorade: red. Red's the best flavour to throw up. It's sad that I know this, but it's the truth: if you know you're gonna throw up, you might as well enjoy the taste of what's coming up, and red Gatorade has exactly the right flavour. Not yellow, not blue. Only red.
Twelve hours of puking, and I was back at the hospital for an ultrasound. By this time it was Monday, and the puking had stopped. The ultrasound tech did his thing, and so far, everything appears okay - no placental tears, no damage to you...
But I still feel sick to my stomach every time I think about that fall. And this isn't the kind of sickness whose edge can be taken off with some red Gatorade. This is the painful part of love - the part that never wants to let you down but knows it will happen; the part that wants to protect you but will inevitably cause you pain. My biggest fear about being a parent is hurting you, and it's already began. It's going to be a lifelong journey... and I have so much to learn. I'm sorry my selfishness lead to this, I'm sorry I haven't slowed down more to enjoy you growing inside my belly... I'm sorry, and it's time to slow down.
Love,
Mama
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Weeks 28 & 29: Still Growing...
Little One,
Okay, so now you're scaring me in a different way. I'm ENORMOUS. And there's still ten weeks left to go! You only weigh about 3 pounds, and you're supposed to double in size? Why is my belly so big? How much bigger am I going to get? It's already difficult to put on boots, get into hubby's new RzR (yup, he made the purchase), and I can't eat the amount I normally do at one sitting without getting winded. I guess this is all part and parcel of the whole pregnancy experience, but it does leave me wondering - just how big are you going to be when you finally emerge?
Apart from the squish on my lungs and stomach, the past two weeks of your residence in my uterus have been relatively comfortable. My back hasn't been causing me the same pain it did two weeks ago, thankfully. There was one day I called in sick at the beginning of 28 weeks because I could barely walk, but that seems to have subsided... anything could happen, though, so I'm careful to follow guidelines for "getting out of bed properly" and "getting in and out of vehicles properly" as to not twinge my back. Sitting for long periods of time seems to aggravate it, too, so keeping active is my best bet!
Speaking of keeping active, although the third trimester has brought on some exhaustion much like first trimester exhaustion, I feel stronger and more powerful during my workouts. I could barely lift a 12 kg kettlebell off the ground during T1, and now the 16 kg kettlebell feels easy. I'm not pushing it too much, although I have noticed that I've had to stop myself during some workouts and slow down. That definitely didn't happen during T1 or even T2. Maybe I'm gearing up for the greatest workout of my life, coming in ten weeks...
Ten weeks! Give or take a couple... then you'll be a little bundle in my arms. For now, you're a rolling (not much of a punching or kicking) life inside of me, growing steadily and squishing my lungs, tummy, and bladder. Oh, and making me super forgetful. I think I'm getting hit with "preggo brain". There was something deep and inspiring that I wanted to write about, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was...
We have moved on from seeing our fantastic family doctor to appointments at the Maternity Clinic at the local hospital. My 28 week session included a glucose challenge test (which I believe I passed, unless they hand me the bad news at my next appointment), a weigh/measure from the nurse (I'm teetering dangerously close to 200 lbs!) and the shortest doctor's appointment I've ever had. The doctor measured my uterus, sized up your position with his hands on my tummy (I still have no clue which way you're facing/aimed, and the doctor was so quick I didn't even ask - I figured I'd wait til my next appointment), took your heart rate (161 - pretty high, said the doc, but safe), and told me that I sound and look great so come back in three weeks. You're passing with flying colours!
Love,
Mama
Okay, so now you're scaring me in a different way. I'm ENORMOUS. And there's still ten weeks left to go! You only weigh about 3 pounds, and you're supposed to double in size? Why is my belly so big? How much bigger am I going to get? It's already difficult to put on boots, get into hubby's new RzR (yup, he made the purchase), and I can't eat the amount I normally do at one sitting without getting winded. I guess this is all part and parcel of the whole pregnancy experience, but it does leave me wondering - just how big are you going to be when you finally emerge?
Apart from the squish on my lungs and stomach, the past two weeks of your residence in my uterus have been relatively comfortable. My back hasn't been causing me the same pain it did two weeks ago, thankfully. There was one day I called in sick at the beginning of 28 weeks because I could barely walk, but that seems to have subsided... anything could happen, though, so I'm careful to follow guidelines for "getting out of bed properly" and "getting in and out of vehicles properly" as to not twinge my back. Sitting for long periods of time seems to aggravate it, too, so keeping active is my best bet!Speaking of keeping active, although the third trimester has brought on some exhaustion much like first trimester exhaustion, I feel stronger and more powerful during my workouts. I could barely lift a 12 kg kettlebell off the ground during T1, and now the 16 kg kettlebell feels easy. I'm not pushing it too much, although I have noticed that I've had to stop myself during some workouts and slow down. That definitely didn't happen during T1 or even T2. Maybe I'm gearing up for the greatest workout of my life, coming in ten weeks...
Ten weeks! Give or take a couple... then you'll be a little bundle in my arms. For now, you're a rolling (not much of a punching or kicking) life inside of me, growing steadily and squishing my lungs, tummy, and bladder. Oh, and making me super forgetful. I think I'm getting hit with "preggo brain". There was something deep and inspiring that I wanted to write about, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was...
We have moved on from seeing our fantastic family doctor to appointments at the Maternity Clinic at the local hospital. My 28 week session included a glucose challenge test (which I believe I passed, unless they hand me the bad news at my next appointment), a weigh/measure from the nurse (I'm teetering dangerously close to 200 lbs!) and the shortest doctor's appointment I've ever had. The doctor measured my uterus, sized up your position with his hands on my tummy (I still have no clue which way you're facing/aimed, and the doctor was so quick I didn't even ask - I figured I'd wait til my next appointment), took your heart rate (161 - pretty high, said the doc, but safe), and told me that I sound and look great so come back in three weeks. You're passing with flying colours!
Love,
Mama
Monday, February 11, 2013
Weeks 26 & 27: Quit Scaring Me!
Little One,
Life has been so busy - I can't imagine how much busier it's going to be once you're in my arms. I want to write about you all the time, and I always have so many thoughts floating through my mind, but when it comes time to sit down and write... I guess I have to work on making that time.
The past two weeks have been rougher than the four preceding weeks. I'm in my third trimester now, and you are growing so quickly - sapping me of energy. My birthday weekend, I got really scared because you stopped moving as much. In fact, I barely felt you for about two days. I can' t believe how much that scared me. I almost cried a few times, wondering if I should go to the hospital to make sure that you were okay. It was the most frightening experience of this pregnancy - which I should be grateful for, because I've had it pretty easy so far. But I couldn't believe just how sad, anxious, and horrified I was at the fact that maybe - just maybe - something could be going wrong. When did I get so attached to you? When did you begin capturing my heart so completely?
As if to show me that, yes, I'm here mom, don't worry about me, you began helping prepare my body for your arrival into this world. I'm experiencing the first big pains of this pregnancy - my sacro-iliac joint is on fire! It comes and it goes, but there's no way to deny that the relaxin is really starting to course its way through my body, loosening up my joints, making my lower back extremely sore, and making things like running more difficult (I lasted 5 minutes on the treadmill last week - my knees and ankles said, "no way, lady.")
Love,
Mama
Life has been so busy - I can't imagine how much busier it's going to be once you're in my arms. I want to write about you all the time, and I always have so many thoughts floating through my mind, but when it comes time to sit down and write... I guess I have to work on making that time.
The past two weeks have been rougher than the four preceding weeks. I'm in my third trimester now, and you are growing so quickly - sapping me of energy. My birthday weekend, I got really scared because you stopped moving as much. In fact, I barely felt you for about two days. I can' t believe how much that scared me. I almost cried a few times, wondering if I should go to the hospital to make sure that you were okay. It was the most frightening experience of this pregnancy - which I should be grateful for, because I've had it pretty easy so far. But I couldn't believe just how sad, anxious, and horrified I was at the fact that maybe - just maybe - something could be going wrong. When did I get so attached to you? When did you begin capturing my heart so completely?
As if to show me that, yes, I'm here mom, don't worry about me, you began helping prepare my body for your arrival into this world. I'm experiencing the first big pains of this pregnancy - my sacro-iliac joint is on fire! It comes and it goes, but there's no way to deny that the relaxin is really starting to course its way through my body, loosening up my joints, making my lower back extremely sore, and making things like running more difficult (I lasted 5 minutes on the treadmill last week - my knees and ankles said, "no way, lady.")
Love,
Mama
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