Weeks 31 & 32: Energy & Exhaustion

Little One,

I'm writing this on a Monday morning, sitting at my desk at work when I really should be photocopying for the day. Today's one of those days where my hair is disheveled, I really don't feel like being here, and I could probably nap all day if given the opportunity. But tomorrow? Tomorrow I could be jumping off the walls, excited, energetic, and happy. That's what the past two weeks have felt like - a pendulum swing between exhaustion and energy.

One highlight of the past two weeks has been participating in the 2013 Crossfit Open. I recognize that through my pregnancy, although I've remained relatively fit, I've lost a lot of my physical capacity - I can barely squat without my hip flexors feeling like they're on fire, and most days, it's very difficult to drag myself to the gym (so difficult, in fact, that I end up just going home to bed.) But since getting pregnant, I knew that I wanted to keep up with my fitness as best I could, so I committed to participating in the Crossfit Open. The first workout - a 17 minute chipper of burpess and snatches - was one of the best days of my pregnancy. I felt so full of life and spirit. The second workout - a 10 minute AMRAP of 5 75# push press, 10 75# deadlifts and 15 box jumps (step ups, in my case) felt equally as awesome - even after a sleepless night and two full days of grad retreat exhaustion. I don't know what it is, but I'm happy when I'm exercising. I'm not happy when I think about exercising, and I'm not happy when I'm dragging my lazy bones to the gym, but once I'm in that workout, I feel fantastic. I think you like it, too... at least I hope you do. You're good at telling me what to avoid - some days, kipping pull ups are not your favourite (ouch, does my tummy ever get tight!) but other days, you're like, hey, go ahead with your kips. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to keep Crossfitting througout my pregnancy and I can't wait to get back into it fully once you're in the world.

I think it's safe to say that within the next 3 weeks, I'll be saying that I'm sick of being pregnant. I'm not quite sick of it yet, although that thought has fluttered through my mind. The more babies that are born around me, the more excited (and nervous) I am to meet you. I love the feeling of you wriggling around in my tummy, but I can't wait to see what you look like, what you smell like, how we interact, and what our family is going to be like once you're on the outside with us.

I was at a silent retreat in Lethbridge this weekend, and during directed prayer from a spiritual director, I had an image of myself and your father holding you - the three of us protected by a ring of flame. I know that God's love for you is so powerful and inexplicable - I just hope I can see you with His eyes and love you with His heart. Better start practicing now - it's gonna be one of "those days" so if I can approach it with a smile even when I just feel like sleeping, I'll be able to get through whatever trials and tribulations come my way through your birth... and your life.

You're sleeping right now... wish I could be right there with you. I can't wait to feel some more of your wriggly squirming as the day progresses - those are some of the best moments of my days lately.

Love you,

Mama