Little One,
I'm tired. SO tired. And you? You're busy wiggling around what seems like every minute of every day. Aren't you getting tired in there? If my appetite is a fair gauge, then you're definitely growing. I am HUNGRY LIKE ANIMAL. And since you're growing, I'm growing - my tummy feels especially enormous today (but I think a lot of that has to do with Easter-candy induced inflammation. How'd you like that jelly bean sugar high?) We just spent Easter weekend with Daddy's side of the family in the beautiful Crowsnest Pass; it's so exciting that the next time we visit we'll be bringing you along not in utero! I wonder what you'll be like to travel with?
What's new this week? Oh, I'm ridiculously irritable - wait, that's not new; that's been pretty constant throughout this pregnancy. I haven't really discussed it up until this point, but it's becoming increasingly evident that pregnancy puts me in a perpetual state of STAY AWAY FROM ME. The sweetest, kindest people I know make me want to punch something. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is - I've never been so irritable in my life until this pregnancy. I'm hoping it passes once you're in the world. It's not like anything in particular causes the irritability - I can have a great night's sleep, exercise, good diet - and there are still 3 or 4 days out of the week during which I feel like the world's meanest, cruelest, most judgmental woman (inside my head, of course.) I try not to let it show but I think people see it written on my face. I'm not miserable, I'm just so darned IRRITABLE! I had a really good discussion with a co-worker who'd experienced the same thing, and it was hard to believe because she's one of the sweet, kind ones who would never say or do anything to hurt anybody. I felt relieved knowing that it's not just me and despite diet, exercise, proper sleep, lots of water, etc. this irritability is just something that's come out of the pregnancy! These "low" times are very difficult for me since I work hard at staying positive. I think this is beyond my ability to "try", though; I just need to accept that my mind and body are working this way at this time.
Physically, my back is starting to hurt a little bit - this time it's more of a dull throb just under my right ribs. It's kept me up a few nights this week. You're growing and shifting my organs around - ouch! Five (or more) weeks of this? Well, I did sign up for it! Knowing that I'm going to get to meet you much sooner than later makes it worth it. Maybe the chiropractor can help me with that this Wednesday, too - my last "big city" trip before you make your appearance. I have a few more things to take care of. Your bag is almost packed (everything's washed, folded, and piled, ready to go - I just need to stuff it in a bag); your nursery is almost complete (everything's painted; now it's time to tidy and fill those drawers) and I'm getting antsy. I wouldn't mind if you made your appearance a little bit early so you can do some of that happy wiggling on the outside!
Love,
Mama
Showing posts with label hunger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hunger. Show all posts
Monday, April 1, 2013
Monday, November 5, 2012
Hello Second Trimester!
According to my 12-week ultrasound, today marks the first day of my second trimester. Hello, second third of pregnancy, I've been waiting for you!
So, an overview of the first trimester. If I were to describe trimester the first in three words, they would be:
1) exhilirating
2) nauseating
3) exhausting
These three words have been the hallmarks of the first three months into this journey towards motherhood - especially weeks 8 to 13. When I found out I was pregnant (more like when I confirmed something I was 100% positive from the moment of conception [seriously!]) I felt so high. There's no other way to describe it. For a solid two weeks, I was positively buzzing. I had ridiculous amounts of energy, and I was just so enthralled by the concept that a life was growing inside of me. This energy translated into my work, into my workouts, and into every other facet of my life. I was eating well, continuing to work out while making sure to be aware of hydration and exhaustion, and I just felt so alive. I'd wake up at 5:55 every single morning (mostly because my bladder wouldn't allow me to sleep any later - I went from peeing about four times a day to ten or eleven times a day) and get ready for work, something I couldn't drag myself out of bed before 7:30 am last year to do. The energy... the happiness... the growing boobs (yeah, seriously)...
At first, being pregnant was just AWESOME! ...and then week 8 hit.
One morning, I woke up, opened my eyes, and grabbed my husband's arm. "Lance," I begged him, "please get me something to eat. I'm going to throw up if I don't eat." And thus began a nausea that thankfully only lasted about three weeks. It was mild, if anything - basically, I had to eat something or I'd feel sick. I never actually got sick, but it felt like I was eating all the time.
Let me rephrase.
I was eating all the time.
For a girl who's struggled with body image and proper diet her entire life (well, ever since I was 9 and stopped sucking my thumb, replacing that soothing device with sugar instead - long story), this was both a blessing and a curse. I've been eating the Paleo diet for a solid six months and was feeling amazing, free of the sugar shackles that had haunted me for twenty years of my life. All of the sudden, though, meat and vegetables were disgusting to me. The staples of my diet, and thinking about them made me want to hurl.
I tried as best as a pregnant girl can to eat Paleo as closely as I could - I ate a ton of fruit-and-spinach smoothies - but my body was begging me for dairy and carbs. I recognize the importance of responding to cravings during pregnancy, but I also recognize that "cravings" for me are a tricky thing - I have always had a difficult time distinguishing between 'real' hunger, you know, then kind when your body is telling you that it's time to fuel up, and 'mind' hunger - the kind where you're bored, or angry, or in my pregnant-self case, feeling like a total cow. When my aversions to veggies and meat got really strong, I began turning to my typical 'comfort' foods - pasta (albeit rice pasta, a better choice than wheat pasta) and corn chips - and I couldn't get enough. So for about six weeks, I gave in. I let myself eat whatever I wanted. And it seriously affected my mood (not to mention my backside and thighs.) And I struggled with this. When I talked about it with friends, I got the typical responses: "Enjoy it! You're pregnant! You usually eat so well!" and "You need to eat for baby!" And that advice is all well and sound, but I also need to take care of my mental health, so it took some time (and patience with food aversions, not to mention a lot of self-forgiveness) to strike a balance.
Now that the aversions are gone, and everything - seriously, everything - tastes amazing, I'm back on the Paleo wagon and I'm feeling great. As long as I fill up on nutritious foods, it's so much easier to avoid sugar, junk and unhealthy carbs. I'm very grateful that I played around with my diet and got into really good shape before getting pregnant - it revealed so much to me about how foods affect my mental and physical health. It's incredible how much a lack of omega-3s and an excess of sugar turn me into a psychotically cranky and impatient woman.
I think one of the reasons that I was turning to comfort food was an emotional reason rather than a physical one - when I'm tired, I feel useless, and 'useless' is one of those feelings that I don't process or handle very well. 'Useless' is a feeling that I respond to by eating - because, you know, food makes me feel better for a few minutes - and then I just feel like crap again. I have not felt exhaustion like the exhaustion of a first trimester ever. Every day after school, I'd come home and sleep from 3-5 pm, only to wake, cook supper, and be back in bed by 8 pm. I missed many workouts because I was just too darn tired. I started feeling like a failure in the exercise and health department, so my food consumption went up. When you're in the thick of it like that, it's hard to see that you're legitimately tired, and making poor eating choices just compounds the severity of that exhaustion. Again, I began practicing some wicked self-forgiveness... and I'm feeling so much better now. So much better, in fact, that when I got home from work today, I managed to mark for two and a half hours with nary a yawn. And here I am actually launching my pregnancy blog, like I'd planned to do! I'm back on track. Who knows how long this energy will last? I'll enjoy it for today.
To make a long story short, I've had on days and off days lately, so I'm just eating what my body is asking me for and letting myself sleep if I need it. Today is our one year wedding anniversary - and what my body is asking me for is a small slice of wedding cake. Basement freezer, here I come!
Today also marks the launch of this blog, which will be a six-month journey through the ups and downs of my first pregnancy. I'm hoping to update at least once a week, mostly to keep my family and friends who don't live nearby in the loop, and without boring everybody on Facebook with incessant preggo posts.
So, an overview of the first trimester. If I were to describe trimester the first in three words, they would be:
1) exhilirating
2) nauseating
3) exhausting
These three words have been the hallmarks of the first three months into this journey towards motherhood - especially weeks 8 to 13. When I found out I was pregnant (more like when I confirmed something I was 100% positive from the moment of conception [seriously!]) I felt so high. There's no other way to describe it. For a solid two weeks, I was positively buzzing. I had ridiculous amounts of energy, and I was just so enthralled by the concept that a life was growing inside of me. This energy translated into my work, into my workouts, and into every other facet of my life. I was eating well, continuing to work out while making sure to be aware of hydration and exhaustion, and I just felt so alive. I'd wake up at 5:55 every single morning (mostly because my bladder wouldn't allow me to sleep any later - I went from peeing about four times a day to ten or eleven times a day) and get ready for work, something I couldn't drag myself out of bed before 7:30 am last year to do. The energy... the happiness... the growing boobs (yeah, seriously)...
At first, being pregnant was just AWESOME! ...and then week 8 hit.
One morning, I woke up, opened my eyes, and grabbed my husband's arm. "Lance," I begged him, "please get me something to eat. I'm going to throw up if I don't eat." And thus began a nausea that thankfully only lasted about three weeks. It was mild, if anything - basically, I had to eat something or I'd feel sick. I never actually got sick, but it felt like I was eating all the time.
Let me rephrase.
I was eating all the time.
For a girl who's struggled with body image and proper diet her entire life (well, ever since I was 9 and stopped sucking my thumb, replacing that soothing device with sugar instead - long story), this was both a blessing and a curse. I've been eating the Paleo diet for a solid six months and was feeling amazing, free of the sugar shackles that had haunted me for twenty years of my life. All of the sudden, though, meat and vegetables were disgusting to me. The staples of my diet, and thinking about them made me want to hurl.
I tried as best as a pregnant girl can to eat Paleo as closely as I could - I ate a ton of fruit-and-spinach smoothies - but my body was begging me for dairy and carbs. I recognize the importance of responding to cravings during pregnancy, but I also recognize that "cravings" for me are a tricky thing - I have always had a difficult time distinguishing between 'real' hunger, you know, then kind when your body is telling you that it's time to fuel up, and 'mind' hunger - the kind where you're bored, or angry, or in my pregnant-self case, feeling like a total cow. When my aversions to veggies and meat got really strong, I began turning to my typical 'comfort' foods - pasta (albeit rice pasta, a better choice than wheat pasta) and corn chips - and I couldn't get enough. So for about six weeks, I gave in. I let myself eat whatever I wanted. And it seriously affected my mood (not to mention my backside and thighs.) And I struggled with this. When I talked about it with friends, I got the typical responses: "Enjoy it! You're pregnant! You usually eat so well!" and "You need to eat for baby!" And that advice is all well and sound, but I also need to take care of my mental health, so it took some time (and patience with food aversions, not to mention a lot of self-forgiveness) to strike a balance.
Now that the aversions are gone, and everything - seriously, everything - tastes amazing, I'm back on the Paleo wagon and I'm feeling great. As long as I fill up on nutritious foods, it's so much easier to avoid sugar, junk and unhealthy carbs. I'm very grateful that I played around with my diet and got into really good shape before getting pregnant - it revealed so much to me about how foods affect my mental and physical health. It's incredible how much a lack of omega-3s and an excess of sugar turn me into a psychotically cranky and impatient woman.
I think one of the reasons that I was turning to comfort food was an emotional reason rather than a physical one - when I'm tired, I feel useless, and 'useless' is one of those feelings that I don't process or handle very well. 'Useless' is a feeling that I respond to by eating - because, you know, food makes me feel better for a few minutes - and then I just feel like crap again. I have not felt exhaustion like the exhaustion of a first trimester ever. Every day after school, I'd come home and sleep from 3-5 pm, only to wake, cook supper, and be back in bed by 8 pm. I missed many workouts because I was just too darn tired. I started feeling like a failure in the exercise and health department, so my food consumption went up. When you're in the thick of it like that, it's hard to see that you're legitimately tired, and making poor eating choices just compounds the severity of that exhaustion. Again, I began practicing some wicked self-forgiveness... and I'm feeling so much better now. So much better, in fact, that when I got home from work today, I managed to mark for two and a half hours with nary a yawn. And here I am actually launching my pregnancy blog, like I'd planned to do! I'm back on track. Who knows how long this energy will last? I'll enjoy it for today.
To make a long story short, I've had on days and off days lately, so I'm just eating what my body is asking me for and letting myself sleep if I need it. Today is our one year wedding anniversary - and what my body is asking me for is a small slice of wedding cake. Basement freezer, here I come!
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