Month 12: Birthday Girl

My sweet baby girl,

Well, we've made it. An entire year. They said it'd fly by... and it did. So quickly. Never again will I hear your tiny, whimpering infant cries - now you've got a full-bodied bellow, and you aren't afraid to use those lungs to get what you need. Your tiny body has morphed into the squirmy, purposeful limbs of a near-toddler. You move with determination and a hint of grace; when you pause and point a tiny toe into the air all ballerina-esque, my heart flutters a little.

So you're growing. It kind of hit me really hard at the beginning of April when I was subbing. I was in a class of kindergarten students, and I realized that it would be four short years before you'd be in a kindergarten classroom, interacting with a bevy of peers, speaking full sentences, maybe even being told to stop sucking your thumb! by your teacher during naptime (but probably not - you thankfully haven't adopted that habit yet. And do they even have naptime anymore in kindergarten?)

After what seemed like the longest winter of our lives, the snow finally began melting and we were given the opportunity to explore our big, beautiful acreage. I don't know where the energy came from - probably from being cooped up all winter - but your mama decided to finally get some work done on previously much-ignored flowerbeds. You loved being outside as Mama cleaned the beds and pruned the trees. You were so content to just sit on the grass and pat your hands around you, bringing whatever twig or dead leaf you found within reach to your mouth (although you've gotten much, much better at distinguishing between food and non-edible things.) We even picked up a couple of kittens for you to play with, but the owls or hawks have since claimed them as their own. You'd grab those little black kittens by the tail and joyfully whip them around. And the funny thing? They loved it. They'd mew, scramble away, and easily return to you for more playtime. 

You began really turning on the cute this month; I wasn't prepared for that. When my friend Donna came to visit, you'd crawl up to her, scoot your butt up against her, and lie back slowly, eyelashes fluttering, smile spreading slowly across your mouth. Then you'd scamper away, smile, and do it all over again. You love clowning like that. You especially love it after your bath, when Daddy throws you on the bed buck naked. I didn't know babies have crazy time like cats do, you know, that "witching hour" in the evening. But you'll flip and turn and somersault and even smash your head into the wall at the head of our bed. And you squeal and clap and you love it so much (although I have a little inkling that your daddy might enjoy it even more.) What is it about a beautiful naked baby doing crazy flops on a bed that is just so endearing? 

Speaking of turning on the cute, you have this little white Adirondack chair that you can't get enough of. I bought it for you on a whim at Toys R Us, and when I brought it in the house, you immediately began investigating it. You're like that - when something is new to you, you spend some time examining it, checking it out, then slowly but surely you begin engaging with it. After this discovery process with the chair, you were sitting in it and removing yourself from it over and over and over. You could spend an hour sitting in and getting out of that little chair. Sometimes, when you're a little bit exhausted from this venture, you grab your sippy cup, lay back in the chair, take a big sigh and drink away your thirst. How much cuter can you possibly get? 

Sidebar: Things I Never Knew About Babies Until I Had My Own. I never knew it was possible for babies to get bored. You, however, taught your mama and daddy very quickly that toys are boring, and anything not meant to be a toy is awesome. Your chair, for instance. Not a toy. But you love it. A cardboard box? Yup, awesome. Paper towel roll? Check. Dish towels? Get me some of those! A metal strainer? Gimme gimme gimme! 

The last week of your first year on this earth was a special one: Mama went on a trip to Banff, so you got to spend the entire weekend with Dada. And you were amazing. You took your bottles of whole milk without complaint, you were charming and cute, and you even slept through the night (something that's been happening more often than not these days - finally! And thank you!) You broke your mama's heart when she returned from the trip, though: instead of scampering to her like you usually do after a day apart, you looked her up and down, then pointed out the window. Cue: sounds of a mother's heart shattering into a million pieces. I shared my feelings about this with some other moms, and they assured me that it's nothing to worry about; you were just getting back at me for leaving you for (gasp!) two entire days.

Well, birthday girl, here's to an amazing year. We all survived, your mama and dada barely, but we did it. And I wouldn't change a single moment of the past year for anything in the world. My baby blessing, here's to many, many more wonderful years.

I love you!

Love,

Mama

Weeks 12 & 13: Too Cute

Lexi,

Right now, you're napping in your swing while I run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get ready for our weekend away in the mountains. I couldn't stand not taking a break to write to you, since it's been two weeks. That tells you how little time I actually have two hands free to do a bit of typing!

You are the sweetest, most adorable little girl I've ever laid eyes on. Every morning, Daddy changes your diaper and plays with you for a few minutes before he takes off for work. A few days ago, I received a text message from him that read "I didn't want to leave Lexi this morning." It's true. Even when I'm exhausted and you have a two hour nap, I miss you by the time you're stirring and I can't wait to have you back in my arms.

You're so alert now. Nothing pleases you more than being in your Jumparoo - especially if I'm in front of you, making faces and mimicking the songs and noises the toy makes. You're all or nothing, though - if there's any part of you that doesn't want to be in your Jumparoo, you'll let us know. Immediately. You're a good communicator and we always know - via your lungs - what you need. Some cries are louder than others; your whimpers right before you fall asleep are the cutest. I miss your newborn squeaks, but your squeals and reactions are just as cute (if not more so).

I had to pack away your newborn clothing last week, and you're almost too big for size 1 diapers so I've been picking up a few boxes of size 2. It's so wonderful to see you growing, but when I found a few newborn diapers tucked away, I felt nostalgic. It's been a bit of a trying week, as you're going through a developmental leap and experiencing some pretty upsetting (and stinky!) gas, but when you look up at me with those big, beautiful eyes, I am so glad that you're mine.


 Baby girl, keep growing strong.

Love,

Mama

Weeks 28 & 29: Still Growing...

Little One,

Okay, so now you're scaring me in a different way. I'm ENORMOUS. And there's still ten weeks left to go! You only weigh about 3 pounds, and you're supposed to double in size? Why is my belly so big? How much bigger am I going to get? It's already difficult to put on boots, get into hubby's new RzR (yup, he made the purchase), and I can't eat the amount I normally do at one sitting without getting winded. I guess this is all part and parcel of the whole pregnancy experience, but it does leave me wondering - just how big are you going to be when you finally emerge?

Apart from the squish on my lungs and stomach, the past two weeks of your residence in my uterus have been relatively comfortable. My back hasn't been causing me the same pain it did two weeks ago, thankfully. There was one day I called in sick at the beginning of 28 weeks because I could barely walk, but that seems to have subsided... anything could happen, though, so I'm careful to follow guidelines for "getting out of bed properly" and "getting in and out of vehicles properly" as to not twinge my back. Sitting for long periods of time seems to aggravate it, too, so keeping active is my best bet!

Speaking of keeping active, although the third trimester has brought on some exhaustion much like first trimester exhaustion, I feel stronger and more powerful during my workouts. I could barely lift a 12 kg kettlebell off the ground during T1, and now the 16 kg kettlebell feels easy. I'm not pushing it too much, although I have noticed that I've had to stop myself during some workouts and slow down. That definitely didn't happen during T1 or even T2. Maybe I'm gearing up for the greatest workout of my life, coming in ten weeks...

Ten weeks! Give or take a couple... then you'll be a little bundle in my arms. For now, you're a rolling (not much of a punching or kicking) life inside of me, growing steadily and squishing my lungs, tummy, and bladder. Oh, and making me super forgetful. I think I'm getting hit with "preggo brain". There was something deep and inspiring that I wanted to write about, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was...

We have moved on from seeing our fantastic family doctor to appointments at the Maternity Clinic at the local hospital. My 28 week session included a glucose challenge test (which I believe I passed, unless they hand me the bad news at my next appointment), a weigh/measure from the nurse (I'm teetering dangerously close to 200 lbs!) and the shortest doctor's appointment I've ever had. The doctor measured my uterus, sized up your position with his hands on my tummy (I still have no clue which way you're facing/aimed, and the doctor was so quick I didn't even ask - I figured I'd wait til my next appointment), took your heart rate (161 - pretty high, said the doc, but safe), and told me that I sound and look great so come back in three weeks. You're passing with flying colours!

Love,

Mama

Week 22: Being Sick Sucks!

Hey baby,

I was miserable this week. I came down with a horrible cold and some kind of flu-y symptoms (shaky/sweaty/cold, headaches, achy...) and I couldn't take my usual Tylenol PM to knock me out! Your daddy was so good to me, taking care of me and never once complaining about my snorting, sniffling or constant whining. I felt pretty lucky to be cared for so much, and I got over the cold in a week. I wasn't very active, but it helps that the gym I use changed locations so it was out of commission anyways. A good week to be sick!

I head back to work tomorrow after a blissful two week vacation, and I'm anticipating a lot of "oh my, you've grown!" because baby, you're getting bigger every day! I made a choice last week to start eating healthier again, and this week has been a very good one. It helps to know that you're being nourished by everything I put into my body.  I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym to get me heart pumping a little bit (and yours too!)

Your eventual arrival into this world has been weighing on my mind a lot; I swing between moments of anxiety and fear and moments of excitement and nervous anticipation. I'll be frank; I'm scared shitless to birth you. I pray that I can do it naturally, but there are SO many unknowns. I'll have to leave it in God's hands (having a doula hired is a big part of that - constant care, knowledge, and support? That's worth the price.)

Til next week,

Mama

Week 15: Random Thoughts

Fifteen weeks. Unbelievable. I'm not even halfway there (or halfway big, yet) but I feel like a house.

I see a lot of women give their unborn baby a cute little name, like "Blueberry" or "Peanut" or "Button." I haven't yet felt compelled to name this little thing growing inside of me (avocado-size, or so the Internets tell me), except for one girl's name that keeps swirling around inside my head. It's not a cute little nickname, it's a real, live name, one that I can see myself calling this baby if it ends up being a girl. For now, I'm content calling it "it"... I wonder if a cute nickname will ever come up. Knowing my husband and his cat-naming skills, I'd actually be surprised if he didn't come up with some kind of crazy name for our little one...

I had my first full-blown pregnancy emotional meltdown yesterday. I'd been having a rough morning as it was (including a woe-is-me moment when I realized my bras are getting too small. I thought this was a problem I'd love but it led me to tears on Tuesday morning), and when my car wouldn't start, I melted down in the driveway. I sat there, bawling, wishing that I could just crawl back in bed. I called Lance and between gasps of air, managed to relay the message that "my.... ccccc-c-c-car... w-w-w-on't....s-st-st-aaaaart!" He laughed and said, "Just take my truck." That wasn't the point! I knew I could take his truck. I just wanted him to hear me cry. Today was a much better day, thankfully, made especially wonderful by re-watching this video posted below (if you haven't seen it, please watch it - it's so beautiful and happy! Confession: I did cry today, but it was the video that made me cry, and they were happy tears. You know, the kind of crying that really sends husbands for a loop.)

As far as this pregnancy is going, I'm definitely growing! My belly is quite visible through my clothes, and my biggest pair of work pants don't fit anymore - leggings and yoga pants it is until I fit into maternity pants. I'm going to seek out a Bella band or two, as well - I've heard many women sing their praises.

On Tuesday morning, a grade 11 girl exclaimed, "Mrs. L, your belly definitely got bigger over the weekend!" Then today, two grade 9 boys today told me they just thought I was eating too many doughnuts (they hadn't heard I was pregnant yet!). It's nice to get ...um... compliments about my belly?