Showing posts with label Lexi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lexi. Show all posts

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Lexi: 3 Years Old

Dear Lexi:

It's 2:54 am, and your little brother is lying in my arms contentedly, post-feeding. How is it possible that a few months shy of three years ago, it was you on my arms, a tiny bundle of what-have-I-DONE? 

Your entrance into this world three years ago marked a tremendous shift in my life. All of the sudden, this tiny, screaming, writhing, pooping THING was entirely dependent on me for all of its needs. And, sweet girl, it was difficult. But all that has already been documented, so let's fast-forward. 

When you wake up in approximately four or five (please, PLEASE let it be at least five) hours, you will have existed what many refer to as the terrible twos, relatively unscathed. Sure, there was a bout of croup in there, along with a few scraped and kitty bites and scratches - nothing that a Finding Dory bandaid and some mama kisses wouldn't take care of. Essentially, though, your third full year on this planet wasn't so terrible. It was, in fact, terrific. 

Two was:
- "I saw a buggie! I SAW IT!" A love of worms and ladybugs, paralleled with a fear of spiders and - wait for it - noseeums. You can't even SEE noseeums. What? 
- "Me no want bad guy Tube." Your favourite foods included yogourt tubes (as long as they weren't the Darth Maul ones - way too frightening for you), apples, goldfish crackers, grape tomatoes ("bo-matoes"), any candy you could get your hands on, and Tim Hortons hash browns. That last item on the list may or may not have been fuelled by your mama's penchant for morning Timmies coffee runs. 
-Click-clack-moo, pickles, "banana" and "les buddies", "Memo", singing the Paw Patrol theme song, nine months (and going) of potty training, the sugar bug teeth brushing song, your owl hat ("it spins!"), learning how to skate, pointing out as many Bobcats as you can when we travel, Busytown, cowboy boots, Corduroy Bear, "me want Jesus and kisses and a hug."
-Purple. Purple EVERYTHING. Even a purple Christmas tree!

One of the most astounding pieces to your two year old puzzle has been your emerging discovery of faith. I'll never forget the time that Grandma came downstairs after putting you down for a nap, wondering why you were relentlessly asking for Jesus. "Does she have some kind of stuffed Jesus?" Grandma wondered (and who could blame her? You have about a million stuffies on your bed.) Nope, you wanted to pray. And pray you do, every night, rattling off the names of people you saw that day: "Dear Jesus: thank you for Mommy, and Daddy, and Macklin, and Auntie Tanya, and Maggie, and Auntie Tanya, and Maggie, and Auntie Tanya..." Dear daughter, I pray that this seed of faith takes deep root, and that your belief in and trust in a loving, merciful God carries you through life in a way that your mama and dada are not humanely capable of doing. I will fight for you; I will support you, strengthen you, nourish you, and love you, but where my human abilities end, God's endless graces are there to carry you in ways you'd never dream possible.

The sunset of your third year saw us welcome your brother into this world, which made for quite an adjustment period for all of us, but especially you. A few weeks before M was born, I felt like I was mourning our family dynamic; no longer would we be three, but four. When baby Jesus (as you so fondly referred to him in utero) punched and kicked his way out of my uterus and into this world, you were unimpressed to say the least. Daddy was SO excited for you to meet your baby brother, but you took one look at him upon entering the hospital room, jumped up onto the foot of my bed, and demanded to be read to. It took a few weeks, and now you are highly protective and loving of your Baby Mack, your sweet Mackanee.

No matter the size and dynamic of our family, you will always be my sweet baby Loops, the tiny bundle of holy-crap-what-have-I-done that increased the size of my heart manyfold, a la Grinch. I still carry you to bed in my arms (thank you, CrossFit) but I know as you become increasingly independent, those days will quickly become fewer and fewer. So I hold on tight, thinking: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Love,

Mama 

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Month 4: Finding Yourself

My Sweets,
My little Lobster
That's actually Daddy's nickname for you. He has quite a few: My Sweets, Lexi Loopity Poopity Bear, and Varmint Milt to name a few. Don't ask me about that last one... as you'll grow to see, your father is fond of nonsense words. That's one of the adorable parts about him. I wonder how much of his silliness you'll inheret? Hopefully a lot, because this world is a tough one and it's even more difficult if you can't face day to day with a sense of humour.

Post-bathtime
Life has gotten too busy for me to write weekly updates, so I decided that monthly will have to do. What has Month 4 brought us? Well, you began showing an interest in grasping things - your bunny, blankets, teething rings, and Mommy and Daddy's fingers. As the month progressed, you became more and more accurate as you brought things to your mouth. It's so incredible to watch your accuracy improve. For a while, you got a little bit boring (sorry, but all you were doing was nursing and crying for a few weeks!) but through all that fussiness, your brain was actually growing the capacity to allow you to do really interesting things. And they only got more interesting as the month progressed!

Sweet thinker
Not only are you grasping things extremely well now, you're also showing us that you have quite the voice. The squealing that began emerging in your third month of life has now turned to full on screams of joy. Especially in the mornings, you love singing (well, screaming) us your morning wakeup song with a huge smile on your face. Mornings are such a joyful time for you; as the day wanes on, you get crankier and crankier.

Rooting... on Daddy. Seriously.
Another milestone this month? Rolling over. You managed to roll from your tummy to your back on Wednesday, August 14 at Kersey's house. I didn't expect back to tummy to come for another few months, but on Monday, August 26, you decided to show your great grandmother Nannoo (Lillian Gallant, your grandfather Gallant's mother) that you were capable of some pretty acrobatic feats. We have footage of your very first back to front rollover and I'm pretty grateful to have captured it on film.

You adore hole-y blankets.
Grasping, screaming, rolling over... this month has been a busy one. Through it all, you've packed on a few pounds. I'm not sure exactly how much you weigh as we haven't been to the doctor since your two month checkup, but we're heading there this upcoming Friday and I'm confident you're chunking up for all the crawling you'll inevitably doing in a short while. You've grown out of your newborn and 0-3 month clothes; even some of your 3-month clothing is getting a little snug. Thankfully, we're able to share your cute little duds with some friends - Amanda's little girl Lakelyn, and Lindsay's sweet daughter Farrah. I think it's so fantastic that Mommy and Daddy's friends have had little girls in the same year that you were born; there are so many friends for you. Right now, you're more interested in interacting with adults who can hold you and respond to you - we'll leave the little friends for when you're a bit older.

Pure concentration
Lexi, you topped off a fantastic fourth month with your very first plane ride, and you were amazing. You didn't cry once on any flight, and you got a ton of compliments about your cuteness as we travelled from Calgary to Ottawa so that you could meet your Mama's parents your uncle Louis. Grammy and Grandpa Gallant and Uncle Louis were absolutely thrilled to meet you... I think they secretly wish they lived closer so that they could watch you grow in person instead of on Facetime and Skype. Maybe one day your Mama's parents and brother will be closer. Maybe you'll even have cousins on the Gallant side of your family someday.

With Grammy Gallant
During our Ontario trip, you got to meet a ton of Mama's cousins, aunts, and uncles, your great grandmother Gallant (Nannoo), and Mama's great friends Dayna, Julie, and their kids. You dipped your feet in the Ottawa River at Norway Bay in Quebec, the cottage country where your Mama spent her childhood summers. You were so well behaved and pleasant during the whole trip and for that I'm very grateful! Once we landed back in Calgary, we drove straight to the Crowsnest Pass to see Grandma and Papa Liboiron. After a week and a half on the road, you almost slept through the night during your first night back in your bassinet... you're a great traveler, little girl!

Daddy, Mama and Lexi at Norway Bay, Quebec
I am amazed as I watch you learn and grow. Your shrieks, your drooly little fists, your gummy smile... it's all beautiful. I think I've shared this sentiment before, but I'll repeat it again... baby, I love watching you grow up and I can't wait to see who you'll become... but I wish I could freeze these moments in time.

Love,

Mama

Hammocks are not your friend

Four generations of Gallants

Uncle "Lolo" Louis

Bunny love

Having a time with Danielle Sullivan, Julie's little one

Grandpa Gallant trying to get you interested in poutine... it doesn't seem to be working. 







Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Week 14: Leaps and Bounds

Lexi,

You disappointed Daddy last night. When I placed you in your bassinet after nursing you to sleep, your arms didn't drift above their head like they usually do when you fall asleep. Right now you're asleep, and your arms are tucked down by your sides. It's funny how these seemingly inconsequential things add to our love for you, and we miss them as they drift away.

Although your miniature squeaks, blue eyes, and your fuzzy ears are all gone (you squeal instead of squeak, your eyes are slowly turning brown, and that adorable ear fuzz... well, I just noticed today that it's no longer there) you keep surprising us with new developments. You're definitely teething, as your fist is in your mouth more often than not. You like gnawing on anything you can get your hands on, and you're not a stranger to grabbing a clump of my hair and bringing it gleefully to your mouth. Oh, that mouth. When something tickles your fancy, it erupts into a gigantic smile, giving way for both fists and a gnawing session. I love it. LOVE it. I absolutely adore watching you break into smiles. It seems like only a few weeks ago I was afraid that you'd never smile (mothers have the craziest fears sometimes!) All I have to do to get you to smile if you're having a rough go is pump your legs quickly and say, "booga booga booga booga booga!" No matter how many tears are falling, a smile always ensues.

Back to gnawing. My good friend Beth gave you Sophie the Giraffe as a shower gift, and you love gnawing on her little giraffe nubbins (those things beside the ears - what are they called?) It's pretty amazing to watch you actually grasp her with your hands. You even managed to throw her on the ground today. Another thing I love watching is every time I pull a shirt over your head (something that used to cause me anxiety cause, you know, baby heads are so soft and delicate) you reach up to the fabric with both hands, grab a fistful, and start gnawing on the cotton. You little munchkin you!

This past weekend we made our very first family trip to the mountains and if anything is certain, it's that you love the fresh air. You slept so hard that I had to wake you to feed you. Normally I wouldn't, but Daddy and I left you with Grandma L (with - seriously - three 4-oz bottles of breastmilk, just in case) for 5 hours so that we could go on a rZr trip, and although I brought along my pump it wasn't working properly and I really didn't feel like hand expressing milk at that point so I decided that missing one feeding wouldn't cause me too much trouble. Let me tell you, it took the next 12 hours to get my breasts back on track! I missed you so much while we were on our rZr trip and was happy to see your smiling (well, probably crying) face when we returned. I miss you so much when we're apart, which isn't that often. I don't know how I'm going to handle going back to work in nine months...

Baby girl, you're making leaps and bounds. You're smiling like crazy, squealing to insanely high pitches, and nearly rolling over - I bet it will happen in the next month. I love watching you learn and grow, and I love scooping you up when you've had enough and decide to express your frustration. My arms will always be a safe place for you, my precious baby girl.

Love,

Mama

Friday, August 2, 2013

Weeks 12 & 13: Too Cute

Lexi,

Right now, you're napping in your swing while I run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get ready for our weekend away in the mountains. I couldn't stand not taking a break to write to you, since it's been two weeks. That tells you how little time I actually have two hands free to do a bit of typing!

You are the sweetest, most adorable little girl I've ever laid eyes on. Every morning, Daddy changes your diaper and plays with you for a few minutes before he takes off for work. A few days ago, I received a text message from him that read "I didn't want to leave Lexi this morning." It's true. Even when I'm exhausted and you have a two hour nap, I miss you by the time you're stirring and I can't wait to have you back in my arms.

You're so alert now. Nothing pleases you more than being in your Jumparoo - especially if I'm in front of you, making faces and mimicking the songs and noises the toy makes. You're all or nothing, though - if there's any part of you that doesn't want to be in your Jumparoo, you'll let us know. Immediately. You're a good communicator and we always know - via your lungs - what you need. Some cries are louder than others; your whimpers right before you fall asleep are the cutest. I miss your newborn squeaks, but your squeals and reactions are just as cute (if not more so).

I had to pack away your newborn clothing last week, and you're almost too big for size 1 diapers so I've been picking up a few boxes of size 2. It's so wonderful to see you growing, but when I found a few newborn diapers tucked away, I felt nostalgic. It's been a bit of a trying week, as you're going through a developmental leap and experiencing some pretty upsetting (and stinky!) gas, but when you look up at me with those big, beautiful eyes, I am so glad that you're mine.


 Baby girl, keep growing strong.

Love,

Mama

Monday, July 22, 2013

Week 11: Smiles Galore

Lexi,

Right now Daddy is putting on your jammies. You just had a bath and rocked out completely naked for a few minutes until your wailing told us you were ready for bedtime. You were so good during your bath tonight; you actually smiled a few times. Sure beats the first few tear-filled baths we gave you! This week you also began sucking furiously on your first. I'm hoping that you don't find your thumb, but it's starting to look inevitable.

On a whim, I took out the jumparoo from storage - it's a bouncy chair that makes noise and flashes lights if you make enough movements. I didn't think you were quite ready for it, but the moment I put you in it and pressed the big blue button, your eyes lit up and you kept yourself entertained for quite a while. For the first few weeks of your existence, you couldn't stand more than three or four minutes at one activity - today, I had you laying on your playmat for a solid hour - you just kept batting away at the big pink bird overhead. I love watching you interact with your environment. This, my love, is the most phenomenal experience of my life.

I'm not sure exactly how child development works, but whatever changes your mind and body have gone through over the past few weeks have resulted in this absolutely incredible kid with whom I love spending time. Not that I didn't love spending time with you before; it's just that now, you respond to me. You look at me, you react to me... and you smile constantly. It doesn't take much to get you to smile, either - all I have to do is say "yeah!" over and over, and your mouth breaks into this heartmelting grin that I just know will eventually break into giggles. I'm anticipating your giggles, because your squeals are the sweetest sounds I've ever heard. I bet you'll be competition with Mariah Carey someday with your vocal range - you have the highest pitched squeals I've ever heard come out of a baby. And I just know when you read this as a teenager, you're going to roll your eyes and say, "Mom? Mariah Carey? Who was that?"

A teenager. It's hard to believe you're going to be a teenager someday. I look into your eyes and I see a big, wide, open road ahead of us. I pray daily that I do the best I can so that you are happy and fulfilled, but I definitely stumble every day along the way. It's definitely a learning process, but I think I'm liking it so far because I'm already looking forward to the possibility of giving you a brother or a sister someday. Not anytime soon, but I think I'm liking this mothering thing.

Let's see how I feel as you gear up for your next big growth spurt.

Lots of love,

Mama

Friday, July 5, 2013

Week 9: This Too Shall Pass

Lexi,

Wow... what a rough week. You've been tanking up for a growth spurt, and very, very needy. Your momma's not been feeling so great, so that combined with a fussy baby has made this a week for the books. Above it all, though, you are so beautiful and amazing - I've had a lot of the guilty, "I'm not good enough at this mothering thing" feelings this week. I know they'll pass and that I'm doing the best that I can... I just have to keep plugging through the hard times! You haven't been particularly fussy... Mama's just not 100% this week!

Monday marked two months of your presence in this world! It was Canada Day, and I took you to Rosemary to watch the parade. You got lots and lots of cuddles... and sunshine! We spent hours in your godfather John's grandmother's backyard. I tried to keep you in the shade all day because it was sweltering out. The next day the temperature rose to 40 degrees - we spent the whole day in air conditioning and relaxed! 

You had your first ball game on Wednesday night. You were so well behaved in the dugout. I wonder what kind of sports you're going to play when you get older... I wonder what your interests are going to be, what kind of music you're going to listen to... you're already changing and growing so much, and this is just the beginning. 

Right now you're asleep on your daddy's chest and it's so adorable. Usually you're pretty fussy in the evenings but tonight has been such a blessing. I love it when you're cuddly. 

Love,

Mama

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Week 8: Farts & Faith

Lexi,

This week you really made the transition from being a "newborn" to being a full-fledged baby. Gone are the days where all you do is eat, sleep, and poop; now, you're awake and busy, interested in what's going on around you, constantly observing... and sucking on your fists. Needless to say, your busy-ness has made it a little more difficult to get things done around the house. When I put you in your swing and leave the room, you're okay for a few minutes, but once you realize that I'm gone, you start squealing and if I don't come back in time, that squeal turns into a cry. Your carseat doesn't put you to sleep very well anymore, either - you're just too interested in the world around you!

Daddy and I took you for your first golf game this week. It was Tuesday evening, and you decided that you were going to have a hungry night, so I only managed to golf every second hole. That's okay though; between you and me, I'm not a very good golfer, so the fewer holes I have to golf, the better. Don't tell Daddy, though. You loved the fresh air and the bumpy ride on the golf cart.

Your two-month doctor's appointment was this week. You now weigh 11.3 lbs - that's almost a full four pounds growth since you were born. The doctor marveled at how much weight you'd gained since your one-month checkup. The crazy thing is that your one-month checkup actually occurred at 6 weeks - so in two weeks, you gained an entire pound. Sometimes I wonder how you're gaining so much weight because you throw up at least every second day. Always at the most inopportune times, too - like last night, when you were nursing, and you threw up all over me. I'd just had a shower and changed into fresh clothes. You like throwing up on clean clothes! Thankfully, throwing up doesn't seem to bother you very much, and it did release a crazy gas bubble that had been bothering you for a few hours. You fussy girl, you.

Speaking of gas, the other night I was nursing you on our front steps, and our cat, Trixie, began nuzzling against your bum. You promptly farted on her head. That ended the nuzzling pretty quickly. With all that gas, you're definitely your father's daughter.

Something very special and beautiful happened this week: you were baptised. Your baptism was celebrated at Tide Lake, the same church where Daddy and I were married nearly two years ago. Your father and I were worried that you were going to fuss through the entire Mass because you'd been very fussy the previous few evenings. While you were a little bit fussy, something magical happened when we took you up to the baptismal font. You fell asleep in Daddy's arms, and a huge smile spread across your face. I truly felt like you were being calmed by the Holy Spirit as you were welcomed into the Catholic faith. You didn't even cry when the water hit your head. You were a perfect angel and it was difficult to hold back the tears. Lexi, my own faith journey has been a difficult one, and while my parents encouraged me to believe in God and to go to church, it wasn't until I was well into my twenties that I began really seeking and found Jesus. I pray that your faith is cemented in you as a child, and that your journey is easier than mine was - although I recognize how things needed to happen the way that they did in my life in order for me to ask Jesus to take the wheel. I know that He has a perfect plan for you, so I trust that no matter how your faith develops, it will be part of that plan.

Love,

Mama

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Week 7.5: Better Late Than Never

Lexi,
My goal was to write weekly updates every Wednesday since you were born on a Wednesday morning. Life is so incredibly busy, though, that these updates get shuffled... and shuffled... and shuffled. It's Sunday morning now, and life has been a little bit nuts in the past few days. Southern Alberta is flooding. Entire towns have been evacuated, parts of Calgary and other towns have been evacuated... it's a major natural disaster. It's unbelievable to watch the footage of water flowing freely through the streets of downtown Calgary, and extremely saddening to see how some people are losing their entire homes because of the water. Fortunately, we're safe and sound in Brooks. Medicine Hat is another story - 10,000 residents have been evacuated and two of the three bridges that connect east and west Medicine Hat have been closed. We're just waiting to hear about the third bridge - the TransCanada. Where do you fit into all this? Firstly, I'm so grateful that our little family is safe and sound. Secondly, you don't really fit into this at all, but it's the first natural disaster of significance in your lifetime that's making headlines worldwide.

The past week and a half have been almost blissful - almost. Last Monday, you began smiling like crazy. When I lay you down on the couch for a diaper change (yes, we change you on the leather loveseat in the living room - much easier than hauling you up and down stairs to your change table), I just have to tickle your tummy and speak in a higher pitched voice and your entire face breaks into a huge, beautiful grin. I love watching you smile. Especially moments after a crying spell due to hunger or discomfort - which you have many of. Girl, I don't know what the deal is with your tummy, but it causes you issues. Mostly in the evenings. Any gas just makes you contort and twist and kick and scream and as SOON as a burp or a little poot (okay, so that's what I've been calling your farts lately, sue me) come out, you settle and relax immediately. You're so easy to comfort once your needs have been met. I'd go as far as saying that you're a pretty chill baby. 

I've probably just jinxed it.

You went on your first major road trip this weekend. I had registered for a Crossfit competition in Regina, 500 kms away - approximately a five hour drive with stops. My love, you are so powerful that you turned that five hour drive into an eight hour drive. You were so hungry on the way back that we stopped about every forty minutes, pulled over to the side of the road, and I fed you right there in the car. I began wishing that you'd take a bottle, and I even tried a soother at one point because you were crying so much... but I knew you were hungry, so I fed you. I can't bring myself to let you use a soother. You took it for about three minutes and my heart broke a little bit because I knew you were just hungry. I took a picture of you with the soother - I think it looks really silly on your tiny little face. No judgment to parents who use soothers, but in the bottom of my heart it just didn't feel right. Pulling over to the side of the road every 40 minutes was annoying, but it didn't feel wrong. 
So the Crossfit competition. You were born by C-section seven weeks ago, and I considered dropping out of the competition but I kept putting it off. I began working out about three weeks ago, and even ran in a 5 kilometer road race in Medicine Hat last Sunday - my time was a minute longer than the year before. Not too shabby for six and a half weeks post-partum. With permission from my doctor, who told me to "use pain as your guide", I got back into Crossfit the morning of my six week checkup. The first few workouts back were a little bit iffy, and I took it slow, but my scar never really hurt. My upper abdominals are very weak from being stretched out so far, but overall, I felt really, really good working out. So good, in fact, that I decided to wait until the workouts for the competition were posted before making a decision about whether I should compete or not. Once the workouts were posted on Monday, I was convinced I'd be able to participate. And I did! I finished all three workouts, and ended up placing 12 out of 28 competitors in the scaled division. I felt amazing the whole time, and I was even awarded with the "Spirit of Crossfit" award for participating so shortly after having a baby. I wasn't there to receive the award since we'd left to head back to Brooks, but I feel so honoured for being recognized and so blessed to have the ability to get back to physical activity so quickly. 

The trip wasn't all fantastic, though. Natalie and I arrived at the Sunrise Motel in Regina at 10:00 pm, and I nursed you to sleep at 11. All was well until 2:30 am when you woke up for a meal... and decided to stay up until 6:30 fussing and crying. I rocked you, bicycled your little legs, walked around with you, sang to you, and got increasingly frustrated until 4:30 am when the tears began to flow - I woke up Natalie to take over for a little while because I needed my sleep. I've never felt so selfish in my life. I'm at the point with lack of sleep where if you're crying in the middle of the night, I get frustrated but I know I can nap the next day to make up for lost sleep. With the competition the next day, though, I felt extremely sorry for myself - and felt horrible for that feeling. So many crazy feelings as a mother! It made me realize how selfish I was being for sticking you in your carseat for so many hours so that I could compete. I know it's important to do things for myself, but I can now safely say that any road trip in a vehicle over three hours is out of the question - at least for now. For now, I will keep on doing things for myself, but I'll scale it down a bit. I don't regret going to Regina but I do feel terribly selfish for making that decision. I guess you have to learn somehow. 
You may not know this, little girl, but your mother is the happiest she's ever been. A lot of it has to do with making proper diet and exercise a priority, but just seeing your smiling face every morning is the cherry on top.

Love,

Mama

Friday, May 3, 2013

May 1, 2013: Welcome to the World!


Alexandria Scout L., Lexi for short, came into the world by C-section at exactly 6:00 am on Wednesday, May 1 in Medicine Hat, Alberta, weighing 7 lbs, 10.5 oz and measuring 19.5 inches. With a head of beautiful, dark, spiky hair, squinty eyes that have only fully opened a handful of times 45 hours after the birth, and her momma's hands and feet, (Read: giant), she is perfect. Of course I'm biased, but it's the truth ;)

Alexandria Scout L. - Birth Story

Tuesday, April 30. My last week at work; baby due in six days. That morning, as I approached the doors to the school at which I'm employed as a teacher, I knew in my heart of hearts that something very exciting was going to happen that day. I wasn't convinced that baby was well on her way; in fact, I'd accepted that I would very likely go overdue. After all, my sister in law was already ten days overdue and today was her induction date. Why wouldn't I go over, too?

All day, I was tired and moody. My job involves so much interaction with students as well as coworkers, but I withdrew - something that had even occurring almost daily throughout my third trimester. Luckily, most of my classes had been set up as work periods during which students could complete assignments, so I only had one full class of direct instruction at the end of the day. During fourth period immediately after lunch, I sat at the teacher workstation in the computer lab, using an online contraction calculator to see if there was any pattern to the mild contractions I'd been experiencing all day. They felt more like period cramps than anything, but I still knew my body was doing something different.

As soon as the 3:20 bell rang, I bolted from the school. I stopped in at No Frills and picked up some ingredients to make a raw Paleo cheesecake, and said cheesecake became my focus when I arrived home. I whipped it up, threw it in the freezer, then cooked a frozen pizza (err, more like burnt it) for my husband and sat down to watch TV. I texted my husband to see if he had any news about his brother's wife's induction, to which he replied, "yup, I'll tell you when I get home". I couldn't wait that long, so I texted his mom, who phoned me right away.

She let me know that my sister in law, who was at this point 10 days overdue, had been turned away from the hospital twice that morning because it was just too busy. I felt horrible for my sister in law; she'd been pretty excited to get the ball rolling. Just as I hung up the phone at about 5:40, my husband came home and sat down on the rocker. As I got up to greet him, I felt a popping sensation kind of in my lower back - it almost felt like a gas bubble - then some fluid.

And then some more fluid.

I kissed my husband on the cheek, ran to the bathroom, threw on a pad, gushed some more, threw on another pad, then... and this is where my denial started setting in - drove to my friend C's house for her Norwex party at 6p m. When I arrived, I felt like I was in a dream. I was still gushing fluid, and people were looking at my belly, asking me how I felt, asking me about my due date.... I was in a daze answering the questions because I knew my water had broken, but I didn't want to admit it! I shook off my denial, ushered my girlfriend into a bedroom and asked, "how do you know when your water has broken?"

She looked at me and asked if mine had. I told her truthfully that I didn't know, but by that time I had to admit that I was pretty much soaked. She laughed at me, told me to at least go to the hospital if I wasn't sure that my water had broken, and sent me on my way. I called my doula on the way home and told her what had happened. She encouraged me to drive straight to the Medicine Hat hospital (I was an hour away in Brooks). Her fear was that if I went to Brooks and I was anywhere near active labour, they wouldn't let me go to Medicine Hat. Here's the story: they won't do breech deliveries in Brooks, but they will in Medicine Hat, so I'd transferred my care there since I was a good candidate for breech delivery.

I arrived home, told my husband "it's go time," and he hopped in behind the wheel. The whole way to Medicine Hat, I was having strong enough contractions that I had to breathe through them. I timed them, and they were about 5 minutes apart and approximately 45-50 seconds long. I was so dazed; I knew I was in labour but it all felt so surreal!

We made it to the Medicine Hat hospital at 7:30 pm and met up with my doula. I was hooked up for a non stress test, they confirmed that I was having regular contractions (no kidding?) and they checked me - four centimetres! I was ecstatic. I felt amazing, full of energy and power. I was ready now - no more denial. Baby was coming!

Over the next couple of hours, I had blood taken, had an IV put in, and was given an epidural. I felt that I didn't need the epidural at that point, but it was part of the breech delivery plan - I'd been strongly encouraged to get the epidural in the case that I eventually needed a C-section, which was a likely scenario. I asked the anesthesiologist a ton of questions, because I really wanted to feel my contractions naturally for as long as possible, but he outlined the risks of waiting to long so I agreed to it.

I was scared beyond belief for the epidural. My doula said the initial injections would feel like four bee stings, but then after that, all I'd feel would be pressure. It went much better than I'd expected. It didn't hurt at all; I just got a weird sensation as the catheter was put in - I described it as my back "feeling drunk".

After about 20 minutes, my contractions were barely noticeable. I accepted at this point that I would no longer labour naturally, but I was so ecstatic about having the opportunity to experience labour in any form since that would not have been an option had I remained in Brooks to deliver.

Over the course of the next few hours, from about 10:30 pm to 2:30 am, contractions stayed 5 minutes apart but grew in strength. My husband, my doula and I played a game of cribbage, chatted idly, and whiled our time away. I was so excited and happy the entire time, so when I was encouraged to nap so I'd have energy when it came time to push, I just couldn't. I probably got about 45 minutes of interrupted sleep over the course of the early morning. My contractions kept picking up, and at one point, my doula wisely reminded me that "if you need some relief, remember, you have the epidural top-up." I wanted so badly to feel my contractions, but they became very unbearable at a point, so I administered the top up. It was perfect. I could still feel painful contractions, but the epidural took the edge off. I was so against using an epidural throughout my pregnancy, but in the reality of my labour situation, it played a very important role and I'm grateful for that.

When 3:30 am rolled around, the doctor checked me and announced that I was fully dilated and effaced! I couldn't believe it! I'd made it to ten centimetres - we were going to meet baby shortly! He told me he didn't want me pushing yet, though, because my contractions were STILL five minutes apart from each other and baby hadn't moved far enough down the birth canal.

The doctor reassessed the situation at 5:00 am, checked my during a contraction, then had me push through the next contraction while he was checking me.

Baby wouldn't budge. Baby was so stuck in my pelvis in the breech position, and the doctor gave me two options: one, oxytocin to strengthen my contractions and hopefully bring them closer together to encourage the baby to move down the birth canal, or two: C-section. I asked the doctor for his opinion on what would be the better option, then I asked for time with my doula and husband to make a decision.

I chose the C-section.

This is how I see it: from day one, my goal had been to labour and deliver naturally. When I was informed that baby was breech at 31 and again at 35 weeks, I was scared and devastated - and so conflicted. I had so many different people - health care professionals, friends, family, acquaintances - tell me a million different reasons why I should book a C-section, investigate breech delivery, and so on... What had felt right in my heart was investigating breech delivery, and with the incredible support and advice from my doula and eventually the obstetrician to whom I switched my care, I was given the opportunity to follow my heart. If I had listened to one doctor's first opinion and immediately booked a C-section, I never would've been given the chance to experience labour. 

As I was wheeled into the operating room and the cover was put over me, I was scared, nervous, and really excited. Lance was given scrubs, a mask and a cover for his hair, and he came into the operating room and sat at my head. I don't remember too much about being prepped but I do remember one of my friends telling me that they strapped your wrists to the bed. The operating table was so skinny, and there were arm rests, and one of the nurses actually asked me if I wanted to be strapped down - I said yes! I was shaking uncontrollably - my arms were flailing and I couldn't speak properly. It was like I was freezing cold and I couldn't get control of my mouth.

The rest is a little fuzzy, as my epidural was topped up enough to freeze me from the chest down and my mind became a little cloudy - but I quickly noticed that I could still feel my toes and my butt! I was extremely upset over this - in my head, I'd been prepared to be absolutely, 100% frozen from the chest down and the fact that I had sensation was enough for me to ask the anesthesiologist (who was sitting to my left) for something more. He said he couldn't give me anything else, as it would go right to the baby and that could be dangerous. The doctor told me he had just cut me open and I hadn't felt a thing, so he assured me that although I would have some sensation, there wouldn't be any pain. I can't describe the C-section as painful, but I did yell, and I was very uncomfortable, and I definitely dropped an F-bomb at one point because I was so angry over being able to feel the pressure.

The doctor let us know when the baby's legs were out... then her middle... and then, after an enormous pressure and the most climactic moment of the entire experience, her head - she was born! I had asked if my husband could announce the baby's gender, so when she was held up for us to see, Lance exclaimed: "well, it's not an Axel!" My suspicions were confirmed: she was a girl, and I couldn't have been more ecstatic.

She was born, and I was born into motherhood, and my husband was born into fatherhood all at the same time. I felt like time stopped; I couldn't stop looking at her. I couldn't stop saying "oh my gosh, oh my gosh... she's beautiful... she's perfect!" I had been so afraid of feeling nothing when my baby was born - that was one of my biggest fears throughout the entire pregnancy. But the feelings I felt were indescribable. There are no words to express how my heart grew and how much I immediately loved this brand new life. I'll always treasure that moment in my mind - and those feelings in my heart. I know this sounds corny, but it's the truth: nobody can prepare you for how you're going to feel when you meet a life that you had a part in creating. It's totally indescribable.

We spent about 30 minutes oohing and aahing over our little miracle while I was stitched up (the anesthesiologist topped me up so I had lost all feeling below my chest by then - no more toe wiggling) then Lance and our baby were taken away and I was wheeled into recovery. Being lifted from the operating table back onto the hospital bed was the strangest sensation because I could see it happening with my eyes, but I had no sensation in my body - it kind of felt like when you're watching a movie, and a camera is strapped to an actor so that his or her movement dictates the movement of the camera. I don't know if that makes sense, but it makes sense to me.

The nurses in recovery were fantastic; I was pretty out of it so I don't remember what we talked about but I do recall one nurse knowing my husband's brother somehow. It was shift change, so some new nurses came in - and I started getting very bored. After a little while, to my surprise, our daughter was brought to me in recovery so I could breastfeed her. I'd asked while I was being prepped for the C-section if my baby could join me in recovery for breastfeeding and the nurse had told me that it wasn't very likely, but here she was. She latched on like a magnet, and although I couldn't really feel her breastfeeding because I was so frozen, it was a magical experience to be connected with her.

Once she was done, the nurse took her away, and the boredom continued. I kept willing my toes to wiggle, a la Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. Wiggle your big toe. Wiggle your big toe. After about an hour of willing my toes to move with no luck, I had the sudden sensation that something had fallen on top of my legs. I looked down and saw that my legs were wiggling all around! Sensation had finally returned to my lower body. Slowly but surely I was able to feel my toes, then my feet, then my legs - but every time they tested me for sensation, they did it from the chest down, and my abdomen was still entirely frozen. I was in recovery for a total of three hours before being allowed into the maternity ward.

Finally I was wheeled into room 30, where my husband and our brand new daughter were waiting, sitting in a rocker, bonding skin-to-skin. My husband's parents and youngest brother were there too, and I got to hold my baby girl again. At this point it was about 10:00 am, so my husband called his middle brother whose wife had come in for an induction at 9:00. When my husband asked how the induction went, his brother replied, "good - she's in labour so we're walking around the hospital to get things going." My husband replied, "that's great - take a walk over to room 30 in maternity and meet your niece!"

Alexandria Scout joined us at 6:00 am on Wednesday, May 1, and we were discharged from the hospital around noon on Saturday, May 4. Our time at the Medicine Hat Regional Hospital was amazing; the nurses were fantastic and we were extremely well taken care of. At one point (probably painkiller-induced) I remember telling my husband that our stay in the hospital was almost as good as our Jamaican honeymoon. I think what I meant was that I really valued being able to spend so much uninterrupted time with him. It was miraculous that Lexi's cousin was born 14 hours later, in the same hospital. My sister and brother in law were just down the hall from us, so once I was up and moving around, we'd walk down the hall for little visits with them.

May 1 was a day of miracles. I give thanks to God for all the blessings on that day, for the care I was shown by my family, my doula, and the staff at the hospital; for the safe arrival of my baby daughter and her cousin; for the chance to experience labour and ultimately to experience a love I've never experienced before, one that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.