Little One,
It took 36 weeks but Daddy finally came up with a name for you while you're still growing inside of me - "Axel." Why "Axel?" Because it was one of his preferred first names for a boy, and one of the names that I shot down... so I figure I might as well give it to him for the remainder of your time in utero. Daddy also warned me that if I have an emergency c-section and he gets to meet you before I do that you might just be Axel once I wake up. We'll see about that... any day now, or as long as five weeks from now...
It's kind of unbelievable that it could be tomorrow, but it could be over a month from now that we meet you. You've decided to stay comfortably breech, and after discussing options in Brooks, I booked an appointment in Medicine Hat to see about breech delivery. A natural birth is really important to me, and although I've accepted that a c-section may turn out to be the only option, I didn't want to accept c-section as standard for you. Sometimes I wonder how selfish I'm being, but there's something in me that's just so drawn to a natural birth. I'm frightened about many things right now, and this is where it's getting more important for me to just trust. I've put other areas of my life in God's hands, reluctantly so, but He has always delivered more than I've ever prayed for. Things haven't worked out how I pictured them to, or wanted them to, but when I stopped worrying and placed them in His capable hands, he worked his divine... whatever it is... and my life has been so blessed.
It's time to put this whole breech situation in His hands, because I know He will care and provide.
I felt as though I was in good hands in Medicine Hat. The doctor didn't immediately dismiss my desire to explore options outside of c-section and encouraged me to try an external version on top of all the other interventions I've been attempting. To date, it's been daily breech tilt and forward-leaning inversion, moxibustion, chiropractic, red raspberry capsules, swimming, handstands in the swimming pool, handstand pushups at the gym, walking around on my hands and knees, an ice pack on your head, an ice pack on your head while sitting in a warm bath, daddy talking to you and reading to you, me talking to you, shining a flashlight at the bottom of my uterus.... let's just say if you're still breech when I go into labour, there's definitely a reason for it!
I'm no longer Crossfitting. It's only been a week since I said goodbye to Inferno and Badlands (temporarily - I'll be back!) but my chiropractor encouraged me to try exercise that keeps me loose, so I've been swimming and walking instead. I know I could go to the gym and workout lightly, but it just wouldn't feel right - Crossfit for me is about the intensity. I'm also trying to avoid too much squatting because I don't want to encourage your cute little bum to get lodged in my pelvis prematurely, so swimming and walking is the way to go for now. I have a 3k race booked for April 27 and another for May 4 - depending on how I feel, I may run, I may walk, I may be at the hospital nursing a C-section scar (and a newborn, at that) or I may be at home with some crotchsicles... thanks to Veronica for that one! It's amazing that there's just no way to tell what's going to happen in the next few days or weeks. I'm somewhat of a planner, not that bad, but what an exercise in letting go and letting God!
Who knows what the next few days and weeks are going to bring? Keep squirming, Little One; try to get that head down low. Whatever you decide, though, I know it's the journey that's supposed to happen... as reluctant as I am to give up control and accept things for the way they are, I know that He has your and my best interests at heart.
Oh, and my co-worker Kimmie is praying a novena for us too. She's a miracle worker, so... :)
Love,
Mama
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