Weeks 28 & 29: Still Growing...

Little One,

Okay, so now you're scaring me in a different way. I'm ENORMOUS. And there's still ten weeks left to go! You only weigh about 3 pounds, and you're supposed to double in size? Why is my belly so big? How much bigger am I going to get? It's already difficult to put on boots, get into hubby's new RzR (yup, he made the purchase), and I can't eat the amount I normally do at one sitting without getting winded. I guess this is all part and parcel of the whole pregnancy experience, but it does leave me wondering - just how big are you going to be when you finally emerge?

Apart from the squish on my lungs and stomach, the past two weeks of your residence in my uterus have been relatively comfortable. My back hasn't been causing me the same pain it did two weeks ago, thankfully. There was one day I called in sick at the beginning of 28 weeks because I could barely walk, but that seems to have subsided... anything could happen, though, so I'm careful to follow guidelines for "getting out of bed properly" and "getting in and out of vehicles properly" as to not twinge my back. Sitting for long periods of time seems to aggravate it, too, so keeping active is my best bet!

Speaking of keeping active, although the third trimester has brought on some exhaustion much like first trimester exhaustion, I feel stronger and more powerful during my workouts. I could barely lift a 12 kg kettlebell off the ground during T1, and now the 16 kg kettlebell feels easy. I'm not pushing it too much, although I have noticed that I've had to stop myself during some workouts and slow down. That definitely didn't happen during T1 or even T2. Maybe I'm gearing up for the greatest workout of my life, coming in ten weeks...

Ten weeks! Give or take a couple... then you'll be a little bundle in my arms. For now, you're a rolling (not much of a punching or kicking) life inside of me, growing steadily and squishing my lungs, tummy, and bladder. Oh, and making me super forgetful. I think I'm getting hit with "preggo brain". There was something deep and inspiring that I wanted to write about, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was...

We have moved on from seeing our fantastic family doctor to appointments at the Maternity Clinic at the local hospital. My 28 week session included a glucose challenge test (which I believe I passed, unless they hand me the bad news at my next appointment), a weigh/measure from the nurse (I'm teetering dangerously close to 200 lbs!) and the shortest doctor's appointment I've ever had. The doctor measured my uterus, sized up your position with his hands on my tummy (I still have no clue which way you're facing/aimed, and the doctor was so quick I didn't even ask - I figured I'd wait til my next appointment), took your heart rate (161 - pretty high, said the doc, but safe), and told me that I sound and look great so come back in three weeks. You're passing with flying colours!

Love,

Mama

Weeks 26 & 27: Quit Scaring Me!

Little One,

Life has been so busy - I can't imagine how much busier it's going to be once you're in my arms. I want to write about you all the time, and I always have so many thoughts floating through my mind, but when it comes time to sit down and write... I guess I have to work on making that time.

The past two weeks have been rougher than the four preceding weeks. I'm in my third trimester now, and you are growing so quickly - sapping me of energy. My birthday weekend, I got really scared because you stopped moving as much. In fact, I barely felt you for about two days. I can' t believe how much that scared me. I almost cried a few times, wondering if I should go to the hospital to make sure that you were okay. It was the most frightening experience of this pregnancy - which I should be grateful for, because I've had it pretty easy so far. But I couldn't believe just how sad, anxious, and horrified I was at the fact that maybe - just maybe - something could be going wrong. When did I get so attached to you? When did you begin capturing my heart so completely?

As if to show me that, yes, I'm here mom, don't worry about me, you began helping prepare my body for your arrival into this world. I'm experiencing the first big pains of this pregnancy - my sacro-iliac joint is on fire! It comes and it goes, but there's no way to deny that the relaxin is really starting to course its way through my body, loosening up my joints, making my lower back extremely sore, and making things like running more difficult (I lasted 5 minutes on the treadmill last week - my knees and ankles said, "no way, lady.")

Love,

Mama

Week 25: Falling in Love

Little one,

1) You turned my innie into an outie this week. Gross.
2) You made me pee when I sneezed. Double gross.
3) You grew like crazy, and sapped me of energy.

Despite the above list, I think I'm growing to love you more and more each day. I don't know if it's your constant movements - your need to let me know that you're hanging around comfortably for the time being - or if it's the little hands, feet and bum that brush against my hands when I hold them against my tummy - but I'm falling more in love with you every day. It's weird to say; I mean, I'm loving being pregnant, and despite the lovely aforementioned side effects, it's so absolutely miraculous and energizing that you're growing inside of me. I love it. I love you, and I haven't met you. I never thought I'd feel this way but I'm feeling it.

This week was a little tough, and I think it was a combination of you growing pretty rapidly (a tight belly will attest to that) and some fructose malabsorption on my part. Cleaning up my diet has really helped me recognize very quickly what foods wreak havoc on my system, and after some really cranky days, major exhaustion, digestive upset and carb cravings, I admitted that I was eating way too much fruit sugar - and symptoms of fructose malabsorption include exhaustion, tummy troubles, and crankiness, which I was feeling pretty forcefully this week. I'm enjoying playing around with my diet, and I can't wait to see what happens when you're on the outside - how different foods that I eat will affect you.

Next week I turn 31, and you turn 6 months in utero on my 31st birthday. Then begins the final leg of my first pregnancy - third trimester. I wonder what lovely bodily surprises you'll have in store for me February, March, and April? I'm excited for the Crossfit Open, beginning in March, which you'll be competing (HA) in with me. Not that it'll be much of a competition considering scaling and "talkability" during workouts - I lost my breath many a time during the Open last year and I won't be doing that this time around! I'm still excited to sign up and participate in the WODs, encouraging my friends who are competing along the way. This pregnancy journey has been amazing so far; I hope I continue to feel this great into my third trimester. Thanks for being such a great kid so far.

Love,

Mama

Week 24: Bigger and Better Every Day

Hello my sweet one,

Sweet? Actually, allow me to retract that one today. So far this week, you've been far from sweet - in fact, you've spent quite a lot of time making your presence known. Are you feeling sour in there? A little cramped, maybe? I don't know what changed this week, but you're kicking up a storm. I feel you at least every hour, and this morning at church, I SAW you. I grabbed my friend Paul beside whom I was sitting, pointed to my ever-expanding tummy, and exclaimed, "LOOK!" There you were, sending ripples across my abdomen - I could see it through my t-shirt! It was so magical. I can't wait for your dad to see you for the first time - he's only felt you kick a few times. Speaking of kicking, how are you lying in there? All your kicks are way below my belly button - does this mean you've enjoying hanging out feet down, head up? You know, if you continue on this way, it's going to make things a tad difficult for me come birthing time. Just sayin'.

This has probably been one of the best weeks of pregnancy for me. I managed to be physically active 6 days of the week, including an amazing yoga session on Saturday morning. I've been eating paleo, nourishing myself (and consequently you) with the widest variety of food I've ever eaten. It's a lot of work, but I love the benefits of eating this way. Is that why you're so active? All the healthy, delicious treats you've been getting? I pray you're not a picky eater like I was - but only time will tell!

You're growing tons - but thankfully my tummy's really the only place that's seen growth in the past few weeks (I was getting a little concerned about the size of my posterier!) I wonder how big you'll be when you decide to make your way to the outside. I'm getting more excited to meet you every day. Only a quarter of a year to go!

Love,

Mama

Week 23: Paleo Mama

Hello my sweet little one,

How are you feeling? I'm willing to bet you're feeling fantastic - saying goodbye to 2012 also meant saying goodbye to the horrible eating habits I'd adopted very quickly upon experiencing food aversions, and now that I'm eating healthfully again, I'm sure you're reaping the benefits of all these fantastic foods I'm putting into my body. Diet - she's a slippery slope. The word itself is infused with so much charge; it's hard to say 'diet' without immediately thinking 'starvation', 'willpower', 'giving up foods', 'counting calories' and 'restriction'. When you were conceived, my diet healthful and plentiful - anything but restrictive (more on this in a bit) and focused on fueling my body properly. I'm certain that your conception was largely due to the fact that my body was a machine - I was putting the proper fuel in, and all my systems were working the way they were intended to. Clean fuel = a well-running machine!

Fast-forward about 8 weeks, when the food aversions hit - hard. Looking at meat, eggs, or vegetables made me want to puke. I needed to eat, but all I wanted were all the foods that I'd stripped from my diet - anything that made my blood sugar spike needlessly; anything that made me crave more sugar. I'd more or less adopted the "Paleo" way of fueling my body, but my pregnant body did not want to have anything to do with the primal diet! I began scarfing down gluten-free pasta, rice, gluten-free bread, and lots and lots of dairy: greek yogourt, cheese, cottage cheese - anything I could get my hands on.

I'm pregnant, so it's okay, right?

Yes, it's okay when I need calories to support a growing baby - but I let it become not okay. When I started feeling better, like I could stomach almost anything again, I made excuse after excuse for restaurant sweet potato fries, rice, and tortilla chips. It got to the point where I was lethargic and exhausted, much like I'd been before beginning my Paleo journey. "It's the pregnancy," I told myself over and over. And I was supported. By everyone. Paleo and non-Paleo followers alike. I was told to not be so hard on myself; to enjoy eating "whatever I wanted to... as long as it's in moderation."

But I know my body better than anyone, and I knew that the lethargy I was experiencing wasn't because you were growing like crazy. Maybe some of it I could attribute to that, but I knew in my heart of hearts that I had to turn back to a whole-foods diet, one that took me far away from sugar and grains and focused me back on the astounding nutritional benefits of a wide variety of vegetables, meats, healthy fats, and some fruit, nuts, and seeds.

And I'm back, baby. I feel amazing. Energy, strength, and stamina are back. I'm not as irritable, I'm not experiencing any pregnancy-related symptoms (yet... I still have a ways to go and I'm not expecting to get off scot-free!), but best of all, my inflammation has gone down and I'm comfortable in my own skin again. Sure, there are the naysayers, but my little love, all I know is that I'm fuelling not only one life, but two, and if I feel this incredible eating Paleo, you must be doing just wonderfully in that womb of mine.

Ahem - by the way - restriction? I think not. I'm not counting calories; I'm not measuring portion sizes. Eating healthfully all day, not chasing sugar rushes, and unshackled by sugar - I'd say that's definitely the way to go. My wish is that everyone I knew could feel this good simply by taking a long, hard look at how they're fuelling their bodies, but I know I can't push it on others (as tempting as it may be.) I know that for you, I need to set an example, and I know that there will come a day when I can't control every single little thing that fuels your body (or your mind, or your spirit.) But right now, you're literally a part of me, and my goal for the remainder of this pregnancy is to give you the best of me by eating right, staying active, and keeping positive.

Please, please, PLEASE show me how grateful you are when labour comes along... thanks.

Love,

Mama

p.s. Daddy felt you move for the first time the other night - it was a pretty magical experience. It wasn't just a little kick, either - you performed some kind of full body twist somersault for him. Guess you must be excited to meet him, too, in about 16 weeks.

Week 22: Being Sick Sucks!

Hey baby,

I was miserable this week. I came down with a horrible cold and some kind of flu-y symptoms (shaky/sweaty/cold, headaches, achy...) and I couldn't take my usual Tylenol PM to knock me out! Your daddy was so good to me, taking care of me and never once complaining about my snorting, sniffling or constant whining. I felt pretty lucky to be cared for so much, and I got over the cold in a week. I wasn't very active, but it helps that the gym I use changed locations so it was out of commission anyways. A good week to be sick!

I head back to work tomorrow after a blissful two week vacation, and I'm anticipating a lot of "oh my, you've grown!" because baby, you're getting bigger every day! I made a choice last week to start eating healthier again, and this week has been a very good one. It helps to know that you're being nourished by everything I put into my body.  I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym to get me heart pumping a little bit (and yours too!)

Your eventual arrival into this world has been weighing on my mind a lot; I swing between moments of anxiety and fear and moments of excitement and nervous anticipation. I'll be frank; I'm scared shitless to birth you. I pray that I can do it naturally, but there are SO many unknowns. I'll have to leave it in God's hands (having a doula hired is a big part of that - constant care, knowledge, and support? That's worth the price.)

Til next week,

Mama

Week 21: Christmas Magic

Hello little one! I feel guilty for missing the 20-week post... it was, afterall, the halfway mark of this pregnancy! I think with the busy-ness of school before Christmas break I just never made the time to sit down and write. That, and only two things have really been happening in the past two weeks: 1) you've been moving more and more, and 2) I've been growing more and more!

Your movements. They're amazing! And in the past three days, they've been very constant - I feel you move at least once and hour. Last night when I was lying in bed reading, you were flipping around contentedly (at least I hope so.) I'm reading a book about pre-natal bonding, and while it's written pretty badly, I think there are some good points in there about making time to spend with baby in utero. I think about you the most when I work out, and when I'm lying in bed. I haven't really spoken out loud to you although your father does and it's pretty cute!

My body. Wow, it's changing. I'm definitely chubbier. I feel good, though, and I have many moments during which I look in the mirror and admire my pregnant body. That's pretty good for someone who has spent the majority of her life negatively judging her body, even when it was in decent shape! It's just so amazing how there is a life growing inside of me now... my body is being put to work, doing what it's been created to do!

Cravings. Lately, the cravings haven't been too bad, but I'm still on a dark chocolate kick. My mom (your maternal grandmother) send two dark chocolate bars for Christmas, and a cheque with which I'm going to open an RESP for you when you're born.

Christmas with you in my womb was very special. Last weekend, your father and I went to Mass. I hadn't felt you kick very much last week, but you kicked up a storm once we sat down in the pews (your dad's favourite spot, right behind the organ... haha.) It was the fourth Sunday of Advent, and the gospel was about Elizabeth and Mary. Yeah, I teared up when Deacon Bob began going on about how Elizabeth felt her child "leap inside of her womb", especially since I hadn't felt a "leap" in a few days. And now you've been "leaping" for almost a week - I love, love, love it. I'm getting more and more excited to meet you.

I had a dream a few nights ago that you were a girl. It was one of those anxiety dreams, kind of like the dreams I had before our wedding in which I dreamt my seamstress cut my dress to my knees and dyed it purple. Like, worst-case-scenario kind of dreams. In my dream, I kept forgetting about you; I kept meaning to feed you but never getting around to it, and I even dropped you out of your infant carrier. I woke up pretty upset but it's interesting that my deep-seated anxieties find their way to the surface through dreams. I wonder if you really are a girl? Dad's Aunt Janice is adament that my sister-in-law and I aren't going to be having babies of the same gender... so we'll see once your cousin in born, I suppose, and then verify it on your zero-ith birthday :)

Love,

Mama