The Liboirons: What's My Excuse?

In the wake of the CrossFit Games, a celebration of human physical achievement and community that I wholeheartedly endorse and relish without guilt, I feel it's important to put something out there:

What's your excuse?

Gotta have the preggo CrossFit pic

Why haven't you achieved your first muscle-up? Why isn't your squat heavier than 200 lbs even though you've been lifting for over five years? Why don't you make it to the gym more than three times a week? How come there are women with kids and careers competing at an international level, and you're lounging on your sectional, laptop fired up, Dr. Phil on in the background while the kiddos nap?

These questions are the ones that prominently circulate in my mind. I completely understand the pressure to get stronger, faster, better; to lift more, tackle obstacles with finesse, and rock a six pack and an unabashed lack of thigh gap the whole while. The Games bring the best to the table to fight it out, and we get it - us CrossFitters, we've drank the juice. We've celebrated our first double-under, pull-up, rope climb. We feel closeness to the Dottirs because connecting us all is the underlying thread of continual improvement that CrossFit promotes and advocates.

Threads fray, though. CrossFit brought so many amazing people, experiences, and changes to my life, but it hasn't been without its challenges: adherence to a paleo diet with attention to nutrient timing and higher protein to promote muscle growth, an approach that thankfully released me from the shackles of sugar addiction, but introduced even more digestive issues which are currently under investigation. It turns out that I can't physically digest the amounts of protein recommended for athletes. I'm not sure why my stomach is rebelling, but this idiopathic gastroparesis has stalled my progress. In a perfect world, I'd be a Zone adherent, but my tummy is telling me that 30% protein and 30% fat is not what my body can handle.

Double unders at 32 weeks pregnant - CrossFit Open 2013

The challenges don't end with diet. Two pregnancies have left me with a weakened SI joint and pelvic floor, and a seven-month old who doesn't sleep at night means continual exhaustion. Excuses, right?

There is a pressure to challenge oneself despite obstacles. I respect this pressure, but I also think that memes asking "what's your excuse?", while serving to inspire, also have the capacity to do the exact opposite. I have a ton of excuses. I have a life, two kids, a husband, an acreage, a full-time job. Ruminating on the fact that my athletic prowess isn't #1 in my life isn't going to inspire me; it's going to tear me apart.

So really, what's my excuse?

CrossFit isn't my calling. I've tried. I've tried so hard. Some will say I haven't tried enough, that I don't want it badly enough. And I guess they're right. I love where I'm at, I love my CrossFit Bad Apples community, I love the friendships I've made through CrossFit, and I love that my three year old daughter hangs off the rings at the gym with glee. I love that I can keep up with her (and my junior high students) in the jungle gym, I have had a friend's elementary-school-age daughter draw an adorable picture of me lifting weights (and said friend tell me that he's so glad his daughters see me as a strong, confident athlete). I've been blessed to CrossFit, and I pray that I can bless through it.

They say never say never, but here it is: I'll never perform at an elite level. And it isn't about excuses; it's about accepting my vocation as a mother, a Catholic teacher, and essentially putting God first. He has shown me continually that CrossFit is not a calling for me: it's a fantastic hobby that I'll be able to enjoy for a lifetime no matter what comes my way. I'll keep working towards that first muscle-up, and I'll cheer on my friends and peers as they attain their own goals. But I'm done chastising myself for not doing enough, for not working hard enough, for not being a "true CrossFitter" at heart.

So if you find yourself asking "What's my excuse?" refuse to feel any lesser than simply because you're not where you see others. Take your next step forward, listen to the spirit as it guides you, and work to be your best - wherever you are led.

No excuses!