Month 12: Birthday Girl

My sweet baby girl,

Well, we've made it. An entire year. They said it'd fly by... and it did. So quickly. Never again will I hear your tiny, whimpering infant cries - now you've got a full-bodied bellow, and you aren't afraid to use those lungs to get what you need. Your tiny body has morphed into the squirmy, purposeful limbs of a near-toddler. You move with determination and a hint of grace; when you pause and point a tiny toe into the air all ballerina-esque, my heart flutters a little.

So you're growing. It kind of hit me really hard at the beginning of April when I was subbing. I was in a class of kindergarten students, and I realized that it would be four short years before you'd be in a kindergarten classroom, interacting with a bevy of peers, speaking full sentences, maybe even being told to stop sucking your thumb! by your teacher during naptime (but probably not - you thankfully haven't adopted that habit yet. And do they even have naptime anymore in kindergarten?)

After what seemed like the longest winter of our lives, the snow finally began melting and we were given the opportunity to explore our big, beautiful acreage. I don't know where the energy came from - probably from being cooped up all winter - but your mama decided to finally get some work done on previously much-ignored flowerbeds. You loved being outside as Mama cleaned the beds and pruned the trees. You were so content to just sit on the grass and pat your hands around you, bringing whatever twig or dead leaf you found within reach to your mouth (although you've gotten much, much better at distinguishing between food and non-edible things.) We even picked up a couple of kittens for you to play with, but the owls or hawks have since claimed them as their own. You'd grab those little black kittens by the tail and joyfully whip them around. And the funny thing? They loved it. They'd mew, scramble away, and easily return to you for more playtime. 

You began really turning on the cute this month; I wasn't prepared for that. When my friend Donna came to visit, you'd crawl up to her, scoot your butt up against her, and lie back slowly, eyelashes fluttering, smile spreading slowly across your mouth. Then you'd scamper away, smile, and do it all over again. You love clowning like that. You especially love it after your bath, when Daddy throws you on the bed buck naked. I didn't know babies have crazy time like cats do, you know, that "witching hour" in the evening. But you'll flip and turn and somersault and even smash your head into the wall at the head of our bed. And you squeal and clap and you love it so much (although I have a little inkling that your daddy might enjoy it even more.) What is it about a beautiful naked baby doing crazy flops on a bed that is just so endearing? 

Speaking of turning on the cute, you have this little white Adirondack chair that you can't get enough of. I bought it for you on a whim at Toys R Us, and when I brought it in the house, you immediately began investigating it. You're like that - when something is new to you, you spend some time examining it, checking it out, then slowly but surely you begin engaging with it. After this discovery process with the chair, you were sitting in it and removing yourself from it over and over and over. You could spend an hour sitting in and getting out of that little chair. Sometimes, when you're a little bit exhausted from this venture, you grab your sippy cup, lay back in the chair, take a big sigh and drink away your thirst. How much cuter can you possibly get? 

Sidebar: Things I Never Knew About Babies Until I Had My Own. I never knew it was possible for babies to get bored. You, however, taught your mama and daddy very quickly that toys are boring, and anything not meant to be a toy is awesome. Your chair, for instance. Not a toy. But you love it. A cardboard box? Yup, awesome. Paper towel roll? Check. Dish towels? Get me some of those! A metal strainer? Gimme gimme gimme! 

The last week of your first year on this earth was a special one: Mama went on a trip to Banff, so you got to spend the entire weekend with Dada. And you were amazing. You took your bottles of whole milk without complaint, you were charming and cute, and you even slept through the night (something that's been happening more often than not these days - finally! And thank you!) You broke your mama's heart when she returned from the trip, though: instead of scampering to her like you usually do after a day apart, you looked her up and down, then pointed out the window. Cue: sounds of a mother's heart shattering into a million pieces. I shared my feelings about this with some other moms, and they assured me that it's nothing to worry about; you were just getting back at me for leaving you for (gasp!) two entire days.

Well, birthday girl, here's to an amazing year. We all survived, your mama and dada barely, but we did it. And I wouldn't change a single moment of the past year for anything in the world. My baby blessing, here's to many, many more wonderful years.

I love you!

Love,

Mama

Month 11: My Sweet Toothy Hippo Girl

Lexi,

Let's talk. Let's talk about how you are such a fantastic communicator. Although your only words are still "Mama" and "Da", you are apt at using your hands, face, voice, and entire body to let us know what you need. You put your arms up for "up", you pull at your bib when you're done eating (not to mention throwing little fits at your high chair to let Mommy and Daddy know that YOU ARE DONE WITH ALL THE FOOD!), you pull yourself up in the tub when you're done your bath... and you cry, cry, cry to let us know that you're awake and you need someone to come get you out of your crib RIGHT NOW! Yes, you are the most insistent, stubborn little girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and it's part of your charm. I look so forward to seeing how that plays out as you grow older.

Not only do you love communicating; you love interacting with others. Your face lights up when someone new shows up, especially if it's Daddy coming home from work, or Grandma and Papa coming by for a visit. You spent an afternoon with your cousin Link a few weeks ago, and you played so well together. You know your place in the hierarchy of age; if you're with older kids, you observe them and try to do what they're doing; if you're with kids younger than you, you're a little bit more confident (especially with the soother stealing - yeah, that's still a thing.) You definitely adore being around older kids, and it's amazing to watch how older kids step up to the plate when you're around - offering you toys, playing with you, trying to teach you things. There is, however, one interaction this March that left you quite unhappy: Shooter, the Brooks Bandits' hockey team's mascot. He scared you. He scared you so badly that you kept looking from Daddy to Mama and back, your lower lip trembling, until you burst out in tears. And Daddy and Mama just laughed and laughed and laughed. Is that mean? Who knows... it was hilarious in any case.

This month was an abnormally cold March, so although I was looking forward to spending some time outside with you, we were cooped up the entire month. Not that I mind; I've been able to get lots of Netflix time in, and you're usually pretty content to play with a variety of toys. You're especially fond of balls: you have a big blue one from Karli, a smaller purple one, and a smaller Finding Nemo ball. You also love your Baby Einstein piano, and this one cell phone toy with a barking dog and meowing kitty - and a really annoying song that I definitely can sing by heart. This particular cell phone, however, has dying batteries, so it sounds possessed most of the time. It's actually kind of scary.

Your personality is shining through more and more, and the way I see it, there are two distinct parts of you: the crying, whining, communicative side, and the social, happy, cute, flirty side. You know how to be absolutely adorable. I took you to Calgary at the beginning of the month because I had an appointment with a dermatologist, and you just crawled around that office, getting your hands on everything, looking around at all the other patients in the waiting room with a big, toothy, lopsided grin on your face. Oh, that toothy grin. I can't get enough of your little hippopotamus teeth (and I am thanking God that they are coming in straight so far! But where's that eighth tooth, the little one on the bottom right? We're still waiting for it!) You are adorable and so, so charming.

One of the best parts about this eleventh month has been your sleeping patterns: you've been sleeping through the night! I'm not counting how many times in a row because I don't want to jinx it, but girl, it's pretty amazing to be able to put you down to sleep at 9:00 pm and not worry about you until 6:30 in the morning! I'm feeling so well rested and grateful for those full nights. They make the teething nights (when you wake 3, 4, sometimes 7 times) a little bit more bearable.

But don't tell anyone I said that.

I love you so much, my sweet, toothy, hippo girl.

Love,

Mama

Month 10: The Screaming Soother-Stealer

My Loops,

You have officially lived in the outside world longer than you grew inside of me. All 21 pounds of you is lovable, huggable, kissable and smushable. You are so alert, bright, and communicative. You're so good at telling me what you need - especially if it's extra snuggles when you're not feeling so hot.

You learned how to crawl and pull yourself up in January; you practiced all February. You love joining me in the kitchen while I prepare meals - you especially love sitting in front of the oven and opening the bottom pan drawer. Open, close. Open, close. You don't tire of this task readily. You also love playing with measuring cups and spoons, and whatever morsels of food you can find that have fallen onto the floor. About every 15 minutes, you need a snuggle, and once you've gotten it, you're awesome at entertaining yourself again.

Something you don't love is when I need to take a shower. Usually, I try to shower in the afternoon when you've gone down for a nap (which happens, oh, about 75% of the time now). On those days that you refuse to nap, I simply plop you down on the bathroom floor mat with some toys and hop into the shower. Lately, though, you've taken to SCREAMING as soon as I disappear behind the shower curtain. You pull yourself up against the tub, and you SCREAM until I get out of the shower. It doesn't matter if I pull the shower curtain back and reassure you that I'm right there; you SCREAM nonetheless. Why am I writing in all caps? Because your screams are THAT LOUD! As soon as I'm done my shower and I step out of the tub, the screams stop and you're your happy little self again. I sure haven't figured that one out yet.

You're a social butterfly. You are so happy when surrounded by other kids, no matter what age they are. You're a soother-stealer, too. No matter who it is, if you see another kid with a soother in his mouth, you crawl up to him, grab it, and stick it in your own mouth, totally authoritatively. If the other kid tries to take his soother back, you're very resilient - you're not giving that sucker up without a fight. Why, again, do you refuse to take a soother to actually soothe? Such an anomaly, you are!

This month, I decided to finally start using the cloth diapers you received as a shower gift. I figured since you only poop every four days or so, and since you can go hours without a good diaper wetting, that cloth diapers were the way to go. It figures that the day I began using the cloth diapers, you decided that every single day was the best time to poop. Sometimes twice. I counted four on one day. Cloth diapers are a lot more work than disposables, but I'm emptying the garbage less and your bum just looks so cute in that fluff. If I'm not careful, I could end up dropping a pretty penny on some more cute diapers. I sure hope you have a little sister someday because a little brother would not look so cute wearing zebra print and fuschia diapers.

You're still a food monster, and you eat anything and everything I put in front of you, unless you're not feeling well. When that's the case, all you want is mama's milk. I can't say I totally mind. People are beginning to ask me when I plan on weaning you, and the truth is, I'm not planning it. You'll know when you're ready. You definitely nurse way less than even a couple of months ago, but it does amp up when you're sick, and I'm grateful that I can still nurse you for comfort. It doesn't feel right to me to have a planned weaning date. I even hope that when I go back to work at the end of April that I can still nurse you in the mornings and the evenings. But like I said, I have no plan. It will happen as it happens, and I'm okay with that. Not so sure about everyone else, but it's between you and me, my sweet baby girl. Oh, I can just imagine you reading then as a teenager, rolling your eyes, and screeching, "MOM! I can't believe you wrote that!"

A teenager. It's difficult to fathom that you won't always be my tiny (well, not so tiny anymore) baby. You're almost a year old; we're teetering on toddlerdom. My sweet, sweet, hippo-tooth babe.

Love,

Mama

Month 9: Crawling!

Loops,

 

Your nickname keeps changing. Just like you. As I write this, you're busily working your way around the living room, moving from one toy to the next. That's right, moving. On Friday, January 10, I had some girlfriends over to play cards. Imagine my surprise when Buffy commented, "Hey, Olivia, how long has Lexi been crawling for?" I was floored. You've been working on it for at least two months. Your daddy and I were positive that you'd be crawling by Christmas, but the season came and went and you were still doing your butt-in-the-air wiggle dance, but you just couldn't master the knee-hand reflex. Now that you've started, it's amazing how quickly you've mastered it. I have to keep a constant eye on you, or you'll get into anything you see. I've already caught you putting grout from our crumbling floor tiles in your mouth. I'm sweeping the floors at least once a day. You still manage to find the strangest things to put in your mouth, though. I'm pretty sure you ate a dead maple bug the other day.

 

Not only are you crawling, you've mastered pulling yourself up, too. I think we anticipated the crawling so much that we didn't realize how soon after pulling yourself up would come. It's special: when you need your mommy or daddy, instead of waiting for us to come to you, you come to us, pull yourself up to the chair or couch, and give us those sad eyes and contorted little mouth. How can I not pick you up and snuggle with you? Speaking of which, here you come for some much needed snuggles after a particularly rough night.

 

You've been sick for just under a week now - cough, cold, and lots and lots of snot. The snot bubbles that form at your nose are hilarious. It's exhausting how needy you get when you're sick. You nurse at least three times an hour - even if it's just for 30 seconds - but you need your comfort. I get flak from people for not putting you on rice cereal to fill you up before bed, and I'll admit that I complain that you're still up at least twice a night to nurse, but in my heart of hearts, I know I'm doing the right thing for you. Sometimes, through my exhaustion, I wonder if it really is the best thing, but then you give me a seven-hour stretch of sleep and I know it's all worth it.

 

We finally moved you to your crib at the beginning of the month. I think the transition was harder on me than it was on you - immediately, you began flipping yourself over to your tummy to sleep, something you'd been unable to do in your bassinet. It scared me a bit at first because of the SIDS scares over tummy sleeping, but your sleep has gotten better - for the most part. When you're sick, you barely sleep. It's been really, really rough on me and your daddy. I am so tired right now - just as tired as when you were a newborn and we were adjusting to life with a lack of sleep.

 

We also had another big milestone - I left you overnight for the first time with your daddy. He wouldn't give me any details on the night except it went really, really badly, but the day apparently went well. I can't tell you how much my heart jumped when I came home, you saw my face, and you just SCRAMBLED across the floor to me. I almost cried.

 

This month we also had a family bout of what I think was food poisoning - it started on a Wednesday night when you woke up with throw up all over your crib and in your hair. It was heartbreaking, and I've never wanted to snuggle you more. I sat on my chair with you curled up in my arms, and you just stared up at me with sleepy eyes that eventually closed. I loved holding you in that instance.

 

Apart from these past few days of being sick, you're an eating machine. You love your little chicken strips and broccoli, and you'll try anything new. Giving you quinoa, however, may not have been the best idea. While the look on your face was hilarious, it was a horrible clean up job. Others are always amazed at how you'll eat anything!

 

Applause for you, my crawling, pulling, clapping, and waving baby girl. I'm so sorry for all the times when I'm not the best mom I can be. You are so full of life that sometimes I'm exhausted by it. No matter my mood, I always love you. And I know you love me - the adorable "mamamama"s tell me so.

 

Love,

 

Mama

 

Month 8: Lil Chomper

Lexi my sweets,

December is always a month full of ups and downs - there's the excitement and buildup to Christmas, treats, get-togethers, and beautiful lights, but the days keep getting shorter and a little bit of seasonal sadness always sets in with the lack of sunshine. Your eighth month in this world was full of ups and downs, too. Your smile keeps getting bigger (and toothier), and your abilities are growing exponentially, but so is your capacity for mood changes. You're certainly good at letting Mommy and Daddy know when you're not a happy camper.

A highlight of this month was the interest you took in food. Your manual dexterity keeps improving, and you're able to pick up tiny pieces of food with a pincer grip. No longer does the majority of your meal land to your sides (and on your shoulders), but now you're digesting enough food to make solid, real-people poops. Gross, I know. But it's true! Sidebar: you hate pooping. 

Your favourite foods? Sweet potato, banana, tomato, chicken, salmon, spaghetti squash and tomato sauce, avocado, carrots, eggs, meatballs, lettuce, lemons, limes... and broccoli! If there's chicken and broccoli in front of you, you have a difficult time deciding which one to pick first. You'll pick either, though, over any other food. The little broccoli sprouts manage to find their way into every possible skin fold near your hands - I've even found broccoli in your thigh creases. Yum!

You're even more talkative now, waking up early in the morning just cooing like crazy. Those mornings are beautiful - it's like you're singing us a wake up tune, and I couldn't think of a better alarm clock. Although, sweetie, 5 am wakeup calls are a little bit premature. I didn't mind so much the morning of December 14, when you perfected your "m" consonant and a singsong "mamamamama" came from your bassinet. It's not consistent, but you say it almost every day now and it melts my heart. 

Not only are you talkative, you're way more mobile. You've been working on crawling for a good month now, and although we kept saying you'd have it by Christmas, you're still trying to perfect your crawling rhythm. Right now, you're very capable of dragging your body across the floor if you have something to pull on, like carpet. Otherwise, you get up onto your hands and toes, do a sort of plank with your bum high up in the air, then let your hips sway from one side to the other. Sometimes you nose-dive into the ground; other times, you sit your bum down and find something to chew on. Once you get that knee bend in there, you'll be unstoppable!

You're really discovering cause and effect. Your daddy and I were given a couple of balloons last month - one from Kim for our two year anniversary, and one from your great auntie Norma to celebrate your six month birthday. Both balloons were tied to strings, and you were fascinated by the way the balloon bobbed towards you when you pulled the string towards your face. I was fascinated by your fascination... and secretly I kept waiting for a balloon to pop in your face. Mom of the year, I know. 

You also experienced a little bit of independence from Mommy this month. I had surgery on my gums at the beginning of December, and I left you with Grandma L for an entire day. I was so nervous, worried, and upset, but on the way to Calgary for the surgery, God gave me His assurance that all would be well - I saw the most beautiful sun dog in the sky. Whenever I see a rainbow, I know that God is promising me He is with me and those I love. That gave me so much peace, and the surgery went very well. When I returned home, I opened the door and called "hello!" Grandma L says that the moment you heard my voice, your eyes lit up, your ears perked up, and you immediately began scrambling up her, trying to climb over her so you could see me. That was one of the best feelings in the world: knowing that you had an amazing day with your grandma, but knowing that you missed me, too. I sure missed you a heck of a lot. 

December is a very exciting month for your daddy because he begins ice fishing. We've already taken you out a number of times, and you've gotten to witness both your mommy and daddy pull big Northern pike out of Jamieson lake. We love pulling you around on the ice in a little sled lent to us by a friend and enjoying the chilly December days together.  

Finally, the month of December was punctuated by a terrific first Christmas. I think you were more excited about the wrapping paper as Mommy wrapped presents than anything else, but it was a blessing for the rest of us to have a baby (well, two - your cousin, as well) to spoil. Some favourite gifts you received include a teddy bear that you're already gnawing on lovingly, a fantastic folding camping high chair, bath toys, and twelve pairs of pyjamas. Yes, twelve!

Little Loops, you keep learning and growing. I get frustrated and cranky with your inability to sleep longer than two hours, but somehow, my love for you keeps growing as you develop in so many different ways. I love you forever.

Love,

Mama

Month 7: My Little Person

Lexi Loopity Poopity Bear,

You are awesome. Let me begin by just pointing out that despite the fact that you've been waking up every two hours during the night, the days make up for it in their entirety.

You know me.

You know my voice. You respond to me in so many different ways. You look at me intently; you cry when you see me after we've been separated for a while.

I've been working at a local gym, and I leave you with Jen every Thursday. Jen adores you, and you adore her. You never cry when you're with her, and never worry when I leave you with her. She plays with you - you're especially fond of her big plastic bin of toys that used to belong to her own kids, especially a bear that sings and that gosh darn yellow toothbrush. I bought you one of your own toothbrushes on eBay but I lost it at the Rec Centre one day while getting you all snuggled up in your carseat. Whoops.

This month really saw you emerge is a social butterfly. You love spending time with other children, especially those a little bit older than you. You watch them, then flap your arms around excitedly. You haven't yet made strange, and you were even cool as a cucumber when you met Santa - you were more excited about the bells on his wrist than anything else.

You also developed the ability to sit up on your own, without any assistance at all - and within a matter of days you were able to catch yourself if you began tipping over (this wasn't the case at first, and it was very, very hilarious to watch.)

You've also begun eating two big meals a day - a breakfast and a supper. You're still nursing a lot, although I can tell by the... um... consistency of your diaper gifts that you're actually digesting solids instead of just letting them pass through your system. Watching you eat is hilarious. You grab the food, bring it to your mouth, and sometimes it makes it in; other times it doesn't. Most of the food ends up at your sides and smushed up against your high chair, but it's evident that at least some is making it into your tummy! You won't let anyone spoon feed you - you need to grab that spoon yourself and bring it to your own mouth. Usually the applesauce or whatever you're trying slips down your chin, but the effort is definitely there.

Every month keeps getting more and more interesting. You're becoming increasingly mobile, more skillful with your hands, and more social. You're growing and changing and learning before my very eyes. As much as I can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store, I think I'll keep trying to revel in the present - and that means getting off of this computer and bringing myself down to your level - let's go play on the floor!

Love,

Mama

Month 6: Half a Year

My sweets,

Six months ago, your daddy and I were gifted with the most amazing present. You. Your round little face and sweet nursing cheeks, your twin death stabbers (that's right, month 6 saw the advent of your second tooth), your enormous, playful grin, and the heartbreaking pouty lower lip. You're gorgeous; you're beautiful; you drive me nuts sometimes.

You change so quickly that sometimes I don't notice it until I look back at how things used to be. One of the most poignant examples of this is your grasp. All of the sudden, I noticed that you grasped things very deliberately, and were able to move objects from one hand to the other. It's not like you all of the sudden began doing this; your ability to do so developed so gradually that I didn't even notice it happening until all of the sudden you weren't aiming and missing - you were consistently grabbing whatever was placed in front of you (purposefully or not. Let's not talk about those two cups of coffee you spilt within four days...)

Everything you do has purpose now. I can put two toys in front of you, and you'll show preference for one of them. One of your favourites is your little yellow Angel Care baby toothbrush that I bought off eBay. Something tells me I should buy a few more, in the case that we ever lose this one - you'll gnaw away at it for hours (okay, maybe not hours, but longer than most toys!) You're also a big fan of beer bottles and beer cans - obviously, Daddy discovered this penchant, not me. Soothing on your gums, we say. We really know, though, that you're probably going to love beer just as much as your daddy does. But not until you're eighteen years old.

You're a babbler. In the mornings, you'll lie in your bassinet and babble until I come get you - and that's when a gigantic smile spreads across your gorgeous little face. You like talking to your toys, sometimes, too - either that, or putting them in your mouth (or kissing them, like the exersaucer flower that you so lovingly caress.)

You're a mover. You roll all around; I can't leave you alone for more than a few seconds now, or else you'll roll off the couch (yup, that happened - I win mom of the year. You were absolutely fine - you barely even cried) or roll into the couch (that little scenario resulted in a little bit more crying. I couldn't help but just watch you for a few seconds before scooping you up into my arms - you were so cute!) You've discovered your toes, too. I love watching you when you're lying on your back, bringing your toes to your mouth and excitedly gnawing on them.

We started you on solids at about 5.5 months, "solids" consisting of finger-size sticks of sweet potato, avocado, or banana. We've chosen a method of solids called "baby led feeding", which means that we don't feed you - you feed yourself. Over the past half a month, we've watched you grasp, miss, squeeze, squish, gag on, and throw your food - you've only really begun to get good at actually gnawing and perhaps swallowing every now and again. It's hilarious to watch, and suppertime usually ends with Daddy clearing up the kitchen and me giving you a bath.

We still find banana behind your ears every once in a while.

Love,

Mama