Ten Years Today

    Out on the farthest edge
    There in the silence
    You were there
    ...
    You have me
    You have my heart completely
       - "You Have Me", Gungor

Where were you ten years ago today? If you could go back and sit down with your self ten years ago, what would you tell her?

Ten years ago with Beth, one of my favourites <3

Thanks the (somewhat disturbing and intrusive?) capacities of technology, I was reminded this morning by Facebook that ten years ago, on August 13, 2007, I updated my status to reflect on my sadness that it was my last day in Nova Scotia.

Ten years ago today, I was looking forward. Well, more westerly direction-wise, but in any case, I was embarking on a journey after six years of university at St. Francis Xavier to become a teacher in Brooks, Alberta. An enormous journey that I wasn't taking lightly.

If I could go back and sit down with my twenty-five year old self, there's so many things I would tell her:

Olivia... you are about to embark on a journey that will forever change your life, your heart, your soul. Firstly, this will probably freak you out since just a few nights ago you and your friends were trying to remember the words to the Apostle's Creed after a few beer, but Olivia, you will discover the great beauty of a relationship with a loving God.  I know it sounds corny, but listen: you will feel His loving arms wrapped around you when you're at your lowest. You will come to see every rainbow as a promise that He is there, that He is in control. He might even send a sun dog or two when things are really bad. You will discover the beauty and joy of being part of a church community; you will no longer wonder at flickering candles whether He's really there. You'll come to choose to believe He is who He says He is. You will not only believe in Him, you will believe Him. You will give Him your heart, completely. 

Olivia... you long for marriage and children. You're being encouraged to forget about marriage and children by people you love. You've given your heart to someone who hasn't been placed on your path for the purposes you so desperately dream of. But God knows your heart. He will put an incredible man on your path who will become your husband and the father of your children, and it will be difficult, but fun, but trying, but exhilarating, but frustrating, but phenomenal. God knows your heart. You will have beautiful babies, and you will drink up their growing. You will be amazed as you watch personalities emerge. You will love more than you could even dream possible. I know that right now, when you listen to Mushaboom by Feist, the lyrics speak to the longings of your heart. Do not be afraid. God knows your heart. In ten years, you will have your lilies, and your
    old dirt road
    knee deep snow
    watching the fire as we grow
    old

Olivia... you will be welcomed with open arms into a school and be given opportunities to share your passion for reading and writing, learning and improving every year. Despite awful practicum experiences and a lot of self-doubt, you will press through and this one-year stint in Brooks, Alberta, will turn into a decade of vocation. You will grow in your faith as you share it with your students. Believe it or not, you'll even teach a little bit of phys ed - I know that's super hard to believe right now. Do not be afraid. God knows your heart. He is leading you. Let yourself be comforted by Him; let yourself trust in His plan.

Ten years later...

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about my life ten years ago, and how different things might have been if I'd chosen to stay in Nova Scotia. But I'm so glad I was encouraged to stick to my dream by those who loved me. Ten years later, I have the life I dreamed of, albeit in a different province, with some different players on a much different stage.

That's the beautiful thing about God: He knows my heart. But His plans are so much better than anything I could ever dream up for myself.

Ten years later, dreams have come true, and God has my heart, completely.

   how many acres, how much light
   tucked in the woods and out of sight
   talk to the neighbors and tip my cap
   on a little road barely on the map