Lexi,
Firstly, let me just say how difficult it is to find a moment to write to you! Right now you're eating, and I've managed to contort my body around you so I have my two index fingers free as to type this out on the iPad. You just puked on me - yes, your first puke, about 15 minutes ago - and here you are, hungry again. It's quite apparent that you have my enormous appetite. I pray that you never struggle with body image or food the way that I did for years and years - I hope that I can be a model of health and acceptance of self to you on a daily basis so that you can spend those awkward teen years having fun and being ridiculous with friends instead of worrying about your body every second of every day.
Speaking of puke, I'm a LITTLE wary right now - I ended up taking you to the emergency room yesterday because you had a huge crying episodon Wednesday night (Daddy's 29th birthday) and then you barely ate for 12 hours. That, coupled with really warm, clammy skin caused me concer. Really, if your dad hasn't pointed out how hot you felt, I probably wouldn't have worried. But live is a funny thing - it makes you go into Protector mode. I doubted that you were 100% ok, so I took you to the hospital where, after an hour wait, they informed me that you were perfectly fine. I'm glad I took you in, even though you were just dandy.
At the hospital, they weighed you - you're over 10 pounds no! Would you quit growing so quickly? Although I am enjoying watching you grow and change! During tummy time, you're able to hold up your head for quite a while. You've settled down during changing time - only about 25% of the time do you absolutely wail and howl during changes. The other 75% of the time, you're totally chill. What's the deal with that? You're my Jekyll and Hyde baby - one moment totaliy happy and content, the next - wailing. And for one of three reasons:
1) you're hungry
2) you're having your diaper changed
3) you have a fart or a burp stuck and its REALLY bothering you.
It bothers me too, that stuck gas. When you burp promptly after a feeding, I am overcome with joy - let that gas sit around too much and you are one hurting little girl.
Caro and I took you and Jemmy to Mdicine Hat on Wednesday - your first big city trip! You pretty much slept the whole time, which let Mommy do her thing - although I'm pretty used to quizzing around the Hat quickly, and hauling around a baby (even a tiny one like you!) adds extra half hours to everything I do.
Grandma L came over on Thursday and cuddled with you all day long while I worked on the school yearbook - dear God, I pray that you don't inherit my penchant for procrastination. Although I'm finding that its very difficult to procrastinate with a one-month-old around - stuff HAS to get done. Writing you this letter has been #1 on my to-do list for days, but I keep finding other little things that need to get done. I'm finally in the swing of things enough o prepare meals. I feel like we're figuring out his relationship, you and I. You're not totally predictable, and you have your bad aye, but overall you're a darn fine baby so far. As long as I avoid caffeine, chocolate, and sulphites, that is.
Baby, you have one strong hold over this mama. I cried a few times this week - some tears of frustration, some tears of joy. I like the joyful ones better, so let's work on that. This time around, it was the lullabye "Stay Awake" from Mary Poppins that did me in. As your eyes began to flutter shut as you quietly nursed, i turned into a bawling mess through "Stay Awake". How am I supposed to sing you to sleep when I can't stop crying? I love you so, so much. God, please continue to guide me on this journey of motherhood so I can be the kind of mother into whose care you have placed this precious, innocent angel baby. Wow, I feel like I just puked up Anne Geddes.
Love,
Mama
P.s. "love" was auto corrected to ole. That made me smile.
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